Love is insanity
by livelovelaugh91
Summary: Vegas night has passed and along with it so has the sanity at Degrassi... Will Eli, Clare, Adam, Eliza OC and Fitz make it through with their lives and sanity? M for adult language and sexual content...
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi: The next generation or any of its characters**_

Eli

I looked from the upstairs window of my father's mechanic shop…. The fight between him and my former step mother Vanessa is getting pretty heated. Apparently she wants to shift custody of my younger sister Eliza to my father because she's re-marrying and the new guy doesn't feel comfortable having her there.

My father is fighting it because he doesn't know how to raise a girl. It's just mostly me and him with the exception of a few step moms. My mom lives in Miami. She couldn't handle staying here and raising me… I see her once a year and she sends me a postcard on Christmas. I don't blame her. My life is sweet… Well sort of. Up until the dance things were great. Now Degrassi is a prison and I'm grounded for a week which means I have to come straight to my dad's shop from school so that he can "watch" me….

The fight downstairs ended with my father busting out the headlight in Vanessa's Volvo. Eliza sat on the sidewalk with her bags and listened to her music. Vanessa tooted the horn twice, promised to sue and drove off leaving nothing but gravel in her path. My dad took Eliza's bags and bought them…where I was. She moped behind him.

My father practically slammed the bags on the couch.

"Stay here with your brother Eliza!"

She didn't protest. It's not like she needs to be watched anyway. She's only one year younger than me. Most people wouldn't know we were related if we didn't tell them because she's half black. I mean we do have some similarities. The jet back hair and dark sense of style, but other than that…. She looks like her mom.

She plopped down on the couch and flipped through the songs on her mp3 player.

"So you're here to stay again huh?"

She didn't answer.

"Well I can take a hint. If you don't wanna talk…"  
"Eli just shut up…. Why is Morty outside unattended?"

"I'm on punishment."

"What'd you do? Steal dad's boots again?"

"No, I lied to cover my girlfriend's tracks."

"You have another girlfriend after…"

"Yes. So you just…shut up. You'll meet her when you start at Degrassi…"

"Oh freaking joy. I can't wait to start at Degrassi. I'm so happy! Will I get an awesome uniform?"

Sarcasm was apparently a trait we both inherited too…. I would say something back but I'm too worn out to deal with this. After the parent teacher with Simpson this morning, making up with Clare this afternoon and getting the depth of my punishment through text message at lunch, I'm dead on my feet.

After an hour of hearing my father fuss on the phone to anyone who would listen, including Vanessa… He came back upstairs.

"Eli, your punishment just changed. You have to take your sister home every day after school for a week starting today so hop to it. Eliza, Kiddo, guess you're stuck with us guys… Hope you know all the woman stuff you're supposed to know."

"Dad, geez, of course…. I mean if Eli doesn't want to change his punishment he can always stay here and I can walk home. I remember the way."

"Nope Kiddo… I'd feel safer with you getting a ride. There are weirdo's out here."

"Dad Eli drives a hearse with a casket in the back that is full of tools and car parts. He is the weirdo."

"Hey, I'm right here and I haven't gone deaf."

"Your point?"

"Eliza just get in the damn car, let Eli take you home and don't argue with me. I'm really in no mood little girl."

"Way to go dad…"

"Boy, don't get me started on you and your mess! Just do what you're told. Not a peep out of either of you… Got it? Go."

Our father was one scary looking guy sometimes and that doubled when he was angry. He's about six three, buff, covered in tattoos and piercings with a wicked shaved Mohawk. I guess we get our style from him, but who knows. Anyway, I would not want to be an object of this guy's anger with it being this strong.

I put Eliza's bags in Morty and we went home. I let her carry them into the house herself. Even though she struggled I laughed because she offended me by talking about Morty's casket.

"Thanks a lot for your help! I'm traumatized you know!"

"You're welcomed. You knew it would eventually come Eliza. You know how she is…"

"You wouldn't understand."

"No, my mom just left in the beginning. I mean sure maybe I am the lucky one. I'm used to being without a mom."

"Stop, you're getting all sappy. I just don't know. Never thought the dump day would come…"

"Yeah… Well. I know what will get your mind off all this."

"What?"

"Covering for me so that I can get my girlfriend over here…Maybe tell dad that she's here to help you put your room together."

"Lie harder…"

"She's here to deliver you some tampons."

"Too hard."

"She's here to let you borrow a Degrassi uniform so that you can start bright and early tomorrow morning."

"Heck no! I wanna ride this week out."  
"Come on Eliza please? You know I don't beg and I never will again but I need to see Clare."

"Strung out much? Fine what is her number? If it's gonna be believable I'll have to call."


	2. Chapter 2

Clare

I was happy to hear from Eli…well by way of his sister Eliza. I felt like we didn't get to talk nearly enough at school and I didn't want to wait the entire week before I could get all the things I wanted to say off my chest.

I hopped on my bike and got to his house in good time. When I arrived he was on the front porch. He greeted me with a hug and a quick kiss on the neck. My heart jumped and my entire body started to heat up. Everything felt tingly and the blood was rushing to my cheeks. Wow, all that from just a kiss on the neck. The boy is good.

He took me by the hand and led me to his backyard. He had a bench swing. We sat on it and talked about everything. The new rules at Degrassi, the truce he had to make with Fitz and the obvious elephant for him… His sister Eliza. Aside from that though I had some news of my own to give to him.

"You know how I didn't call you all break?"

"Yeah."

"Well it wasn't all your fault. My dad skipped out when I was at my grandma's."

"What?"

"Yeah and now… my mom doesn't want me to know this but I overheard her talking about it… He went to the states."

"That totally sucks. I was too young to remember when my mom skipped out…"

"Lucky you."

Things grew quiet for a few minutes before Eli broke the tension by delivering a sudden kiss to my lips. It was at first aggressive, but when I got the gist of what he was doing it became…sweet. Time loses value when Eli Goldsworthy and I are together, so during our make out session it's no surprise that we let time slip away until his dad came home.

"Shit, my dad is here… Where is your bike?"

"I rolled it back here."

"Good, You have to jump the fence."

"I can't!"

"Clare if you don't I'll be in more trouble."

"Fine…"

He helped me put my bike over the fence and then I went next. I thought I was going to fall or get my skirt caught on the little tips of it but luckily I made it over okay. I saw Eli on the other side looking like a sad caged puppy. We shared on last quick kiss before I disappeared into the night on my bicycle.

When I got home nobody was there. Well, now that it's just me and mom I should get used to that. At least there was food on the stove. Chicken and dumplings… Yum. I went upstairs and showered. I wanted to get the dirt of the world off my body, but sadly that also included Eli's scent. Hopefully I'll just get the smell of him on me again…and again.

The scent of my vanilla body wash soon filled the air in the bathroom and the steam fogged the windows. When I got out I dried off and put on my favorite nightshirt. I went to the kitchen and got some of the chicken and dumplings. They were just as delicious as they always are.

After I ate I was ready for bed, well almost. I thought about Eli more and I decided to call him. When I did an older, huskier male voice answered the phone. This must be Eli's dad… What a way to meet the parents huh?

"Eli's on punishment and can't talk on his cell for a week while he's at home because he snuck you over here and snuck you right out through the backyard. By the way I look forward to meeting the girl who's got my boy doing back flips Ms. Clare."

"Um, yes Sir Mr. Goldsworthy."

Well, Eli can't talk so now there is nothing else to do but go to sleep. When I closed my eyes and drifted off I started to have the most peculiar dream…

_I was in my bedroom wearing underwear only…_

_Eli was at the foot of my bed giving me his signature cocky smile. He was just staring at me and running his index finger down the bottoms of my feet. I started to ask him why, but words didn't seem necessary and neither did an answer to that question. He was here with me._

_His hands started to wander up from my feet to my ankles, and then on to my calves and thighs. His movements were slight and slow, yet they had the most potent effect on my body. As he traveled up, his fingers walking on my tingling skin like little feet he made his way to the bottom of my shirt. I wouldn't tell him to stop if I could…_

_He touched me through my underwear. Observing my moisture from all the ruckus he caused with my body he smirked and looked up at me with those leaf green eyes. Then he went back to observing what he was doing to me. He placed a soft kiss on my inner thigh before slipping his middle finger into the side of my panties. He gently caressed my pearl with his finger. My wetness was covering his entire finger. He sucked my essence right off of his finger like it was honey._

_I felt like I was going crazy when he removed my underwear and buried his face; nose deep, into my pleasure center. I squirmed away a little when his teeth nipped my clitoris but he pulled me back and held me in placed by my hips. Moans, well my moans mostly, filled the air with the exception of a few grunts from Eli. When I thought things couldn't get any better he gently slid one finger in and out of me while his tongue and my clit had a personal conversation. When the climax hit I knew it. The pressure that was building released making my leg twitch and causing me to feel both hot and cold all over my entire body in addition to the tingling and the rushing blood on every square inch of my body…. Then he stood up and walked across the room and spoke… "Clare open the window…" I got confused as to why he couldn't open it himself. There was suddenly a knocking sound. "Clare open the window!"_

I woke up breathless. That dream was crazy. I looked around and saw that Eli was at my window in the tree and he looked terrified. I stumbled out of bed and over to the window. I unlocked it and he climbed in. He grabbed me by the hips and placed a passionate kiss on my lips.

"You were sleeping really hard."

"Yeah I was sort of dreaming."

"Some dream that must have been… Tell me about it."

"It's embarrassing. So if you don't mind me asking why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you… I uh may have had a dream about you too."

"Well… What was it?"

"I'm ashamed to say."

"Please?"

"Fine… but you can't say I didn't warn you. I dreamed you let me go down on you and it was awesome. You were moaning and squirming. I made you orgasm… So can I hear yours now?"

"Same dream."

"Well if we both dreamed I should go down on you, you know what this means then."

I swallowed hard afraid of what Eli was going to say next. My body started to buzz…..


	3. Chapter 3

Eliza

I can't believe I'm going to school on my birthday! This totally sucks! I have been at Degrassi for about two weeks now and it isn't as bad as many may think. I got used to the rules of the school along with everyone else… I'm just mad because half the day is gonna be wasted on work when it could be used for fun! How many times does a girl turn fifteen? Once! That is why I need to be out, shopping, lunching, dancing or having a spa day with Clare, Alli and Jenna…. Not going to Chemistry…

When I got into the classroom I realized that there was a sub. I now remember the teacher saying he had something to do today so he wouldn't be here. At least he only left a word search and a few definitions as the assignment. I won't have to strain my brain too hard for the time being.

While I looked for the words on the paper Fitz looked over my shoulder to see my answers. I slide my paper over and he moved too. I flipped it over and he just looked at me. I'd like to see him explain this…

"Happy birthday. I was just messing with you I'm done.."

"Well then let me see your paper."

"No, I don't like to cheat."

"What a sudden change… Hey… I'm having a party tonight for my birthday and my dad is out of town at a motorcycle expo... Swing through if you want but bring a birthday gift."

"I'll, uh, do my best birthday beauty."

I know I shouldn't like Fitz but I think I do. He's sweet and he makes me laugh. I know I need to steer clear of him because he tried to hurt Eli but… I'm struggling to do that. I love the way Fitz's cologne lingers in my space whenever he leans over to see something or whisper a joke. I almost can't stop myself from touching his abdominal area slightly to feel the muscles under my fingertips. Nothing excites me more though, than the way Fitz looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying any attention. It's like a lion looking at its prey… it's a look of aggression, of longing… of lust. I like Fitz.

I went to lunch and sat with Eli, Clare, Adam, Alli and Jenna. They'd joined our little table and it made it more colorful to be honest. Alli went over the specifics of my party. Eli was my designated driver for the occasion. He took the casket out of Morty and put in two couches like a limo. It was Clare's idea, so he gave in….

While Alli talked color schemes with Jenna I watched Fitz. He was eating alone. The girl, Bianca… who is usually with him was talking to some other guy and his other friend, the jock named Owen was spitting some serious game to a girl in the lunch line. I wanted to go to that table and talk to him. Eli's eased up on hating Fitz so maybe I will… I told everyone I'd be right back and I walked over. When I sat at the bench he looked up like he was shocked.

"Your crowd boring?"

"Not so much but… I don't know. Why are you eating alone?"

"Because it's not a crime."

"Sorry… I'll jus..."

"Wait, um stay? Please?"

"Okay."

"So about your party, if I come what will I get?"

"You can have the last dance."

"I don't dance…"

"Not even slow and close?"

His cheeks turned red with a blush and a smile. His body language was telling me that he was a little shocked, but his actions said cool and collected. He moved in closer and motioned for me to do the same…

"Is this dance horizontal?"

"Sorry… vertical."

"Hmmm… we will see fresh meat. Just in case I'm feeling gracious you make sure you do save that last dance for me."

"Sure thing."

I happened to look back and see Clare giving me a worried look with a thumb up. Alli and Jenna were acting all gossipy and Eli was onto Clare's not so subtle communication with me. When she turned around they started to talk and then they started to kiss…

"Emo boy's not gonna start any trouble right?"

"You have my word…"

"Good because it would suck if I couldn't stay to have that dance with you."  
"Yeah it uh really would. So I will see you tonight?"

"Count on it.."

We smiled at each other one more time and I went back to my table. I sat down and started doodling in my notebook. I didn't realize I was humming and glowing like an idiot until Alli called me out on it.

"Someone's got a crush."

"What?"

"You heard me. A crush. I know that look all too well. So he's coming to the party?"

"Yeah… He is and Eli...please be on your best behavior."

"I'm so over that Fitz drama little sis. He can party all he wants he just better be nice to you."

"Thanks Elijah…"

Lunch went by quick after that. Before I knew it Clare, Jenna, Alli and I were crowding into the back of Morty, which Eli had generously turned into a makeshift luxury limousine. Adam played the role of the official door opener/ door closer… It was really neat and fun.

The first stop was the mall. We went to a dress shop that sold all types of gowns and frocks. I fell in love with the fourth dress I tried on. It was sin red and it stopped a few inches above my knee. It was clingy and nearly corseted with ruffles on the bottom that fell in exactly the right place. It had one twisted strap that held everything up. It was perfect! I fell in love with the way the dress made me look and feel. This is it!

I came out of the changing room and there was no deliberation. Everyone agreed that this dress was it for me. What can I say; if they're right then they're right… I found the perfect pair of studded black bootie boots to wear with the dress, and what would that be if I didn't wear black fishnets? That's just my style I guess…

….The party started right on time and there was never a moment when people weren't flooding through the door. Pretty soon the house was nearly packed and everybody was having a good time, talking and laughing. The strobe lights Sav let us borrow turned my living room into a real rave scene and it was like your average night club. Eli and Clare, more content to make out than dance and mingle, volunteered themselves to monitor the gift table… Yeah things were pretty awesome, just one person was missing. Fitz.

I went on talking and having fun, but I looked around hoping to see him. After a few minutes of having my heart race I decided to go into the backyard and take a seat on the swing bench. He's not coming and he never was… I guess I just let my hopes get up too high.

My favorite slow song started to play and I saw through the screen door that everyone was coupling up to dance. Lonely at my own fucking party. This beats all I've ever witnessed. Just as I was ready to start with the birthday boo hoo I heard a familiar voice from behind the tree.

"You're missing your party fresh meat."

"Fitz? You're here…"

"I told you I would be. You look…breathtaking."

"Thanks… Where's my gift?"

"Sorry, I forgot."

"That's okay."

"Wanna dance to this song?"

"Yeah..."

He grabbed me by the hand and our bodies molded to each other's. Fitz was light on his feet to be a bully. I laid my head on his shoulder and let my arms wrap around his neck. The feeling of his warm hands on the small of my back was driving me crazy, I love it… When the song was over he pulled away and went into his pockets. He pulled out a tiny key and heart necklace.

"I lied, this was your present but it's dumb."

"No, it's perfect."

I threw my body to Fitz's and our lips met. He didn't let me control the kiss for long though, he soon took control aggressively making things more passionate. The way he held me by the waist made the moment hotter and I never wanted it to end, but the party was still pumping so we joined it and not only did Fitz get the last dance that night, he also gave me my first, second and third real kisses…. Each one made me melt and fall face first for him….

**Reviews Please**


	4. Chapter 4

Adam

I can't believe she fucking said it again! After the burning ceremony, after the therapy and the big realization she still keeps fucking saying it! _Gracie_… Not many would get so upset over a simple name, but she's following me everywhere I got, its like I can't be rid of her. I'm burned all remains of her except for one photograph, I've changed my name and I never speak of her myself so why does my mother seem to be so damn hung up on Gracie? Sure, this is hard for her but this is reality. I'm Adam and Gracie is dead. Maybe she should think of it that way…

I went downstairs and sat down at the breakfast table. My mother was putting toast and orange juice on the table. It smelled good but I was too fired up to eat right now. There were some things I needed to get off my chest and I couldn't wait until after school, this had to be addressed now.

"Mom, Grace is dead…"

"What Gr.. I mean Adam sweetie?"

"Grace died, she's not coming back and you should deal with that."

"I don't like that tone.."

"Well I don't like being called by someone else's name… Did the therapy and ceremonies do anything at all for you?"

"Gracie… I mean Adam, look I've tried, god knows I have tried! But this is all just too weird for me. Every other day you're getting beat up, Drew's being teased my god why can't you stop this weirdness and be normal!"

"Well now you've gone and said it. I'm just some freak to you. A blemish in this perfect family. You've got the PTO mom, the hard working dad, the athletic handsome son and then a transgender freak of a son…oh I mean in your perspective daughter. My bad mom! I hate it here!"

"Well Adam, nobody is holding you here."

"That was the fucking invitation I needed!"

I went upstairs and started texting Eli. I would need a place to stay and since he's my best bud he's really the only person I can call. As I texted I packed any clothes, momentos and journals I could get my hands on. My eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't see anything. All I could do was grab and pack. While I was waiting for Eli to reply Drew came in the door.

"Adam what the hell is going on?"

"Mom is tired of having a freak like me around… I'm leaving. I'll be at Eli's hopefully."

"If you can't stay at Eli's where will you go Adam? You should go talk this out with mom!"

"There is nothing to talk about Drew! She called the way I am weirdness and said I should just be normal!"

"Dude, there have to be other alternatives?"

"None that I can see…"

Eli texted back after a few minutes…

**Re: Dude you know you can crash here, what happened?**

**Re: Re: Long story…**

I walked to school that day, leaving before my mom could drive Drew. She wasn't crying or even looking sad. She was just reading the paper and humming a song. I didn't bother to say goodbye and I didn't slam the door, though I wanted to.

The walk was long and my feet were tired. When I finally made it to Degrassi it was like I'd made it to heaven. I walked in and got wanded… today was the 26th… I put my duffel bag in a locker and I nearly passed out in English. Nobody was there except Ms. Dawes and I. Soon though, other kids started to crowd into the classroom including Eli, Eliza and Clare. Eli asked to speak to me in private. We walked into the hall.

"Dude what the hell is going on?"

"My mom called me weird and told me to be normal this morning after I confronted her about calling me Gracie…again!"

"That sucks like hell. She kicked you out?"

"I said I hated it there, she said nothing was stopping me from leaving… so I did."

"Well you're my bro so you can crash as my place if you can stand Eliza's obnoxious at home behavior."

"Not a problem. I put up with you on guys night don't I?"

I was staying with Eli. At least I have a place to lay my head. I still wish things weren't so bad right now. My mom has always been a little overbearing but this is just beyond her normal madness… English passed quickly. It was just an in class essay. I wrote it without actually thinking about it. Let's just hope it's what Ms. Dawes wants to hear today.

I guess I'm not really in a school mood today. I'm not in an anything mood today. I just want to hit something, or someone! I guess this means I only have one option. After English I went into the Chemistry class. Eliza spotted me.

"Hi Adam! What's up? Come to make speedy cheese with us?"

"No, I just need to borrow Fitz for a second. Guy stuff."

Fitz looked at my suspiciously as we walked out into the hallway. He was about to say something but I beat him to the punch.

"Look we aren't friends but I need to fight and this time don't bring a girl in the ring or I'll kill her. Got it?"

"After lunch, third chamber of the basement. Don't be late."

"I won't be."

So it's set. I'm going to fight someone suited for me this time. I would say that I'm excited but I'm not. I'm just looking forward to the prospect of a good fight. Blood, teeth, sweat and roundhouse kicks, I can hardly wait.

Lunch came quickly and left just as fast. Every now and then Fitz would let himself stop drooling over Eliza and he'd nod at me. I guess it's still on… The basement was cold, yet there was steam rising from some of the pipes. I don't know what they lead to I just know that I won't be touching them. There were several guys crowded around a circle where Fitz was beating the hell out of a guy twice his size. He held him in a sleeper and the guy nearly black out. That was brutal, that was awesome.

I was up next. They pushed some scrawny, scared-looking guy into the ring. He looked like he should be fixing computers instead. He looked around and adjusted his glasses. He was trembling and when he did go to speak he was all stutters and stumbles. 

"P-p-please don't hurt me, I don't kno-kno-know why I'm h-here."

"What?"

"I th-thought this was the Z-Zelda underground club… That's wh-what h-he told m-me."

The guy pointed at Owen. Owen let out a high pitched laugh and fessed up to what he's done. The guy still looked scared and confused. This was so cruel for them to do that, not only cruel but insulting to me.

"Get out of here, like, now!"

The dude ran up the stairs of the basement and on to whatever class he had at this time. I walked up to Owen and punched him right in the nose. I've owed him an ass whipping for quite some time now. This was just the opportunity I needed.

"Bitch, what the fuck is your problem?"

"Bitch? (Punches him again)… I don't have any fucking problem except you, you sack of shit!"

"Baby, don't start name calling and don't go starting anything you can't fix on your own. Emo boy ain't here to take the hits for you now."

"I can take my own punches. So give me your best shot…bitch!"

Owen was about to punch me but Fitz stopped his fist. Owen looked confused and stepped back. He was about to turn on Fitz. This would have never happened if everyone let me take care of myself for once. I punched Fitz.

"What the fuck Torres!"

"I can handle this myself!"

"You know what, fine, you want to die then it's your funeral… I'm not witnessing this."

Fitz left and so did everyone else. It was just me and Owen. I jumped around in fighter's stance and he stood perfectly still. He started to smile and walk closer… Must be a sneaky attack method.

"You know Gracie, yeah I said Gracie because that's who you are. You're a girl… You know what girls like you need?"

"My name is Adam, I'm a boy and all I need right now is your blood splatter on my clothes and your teeth in a bag!"

"Girls like you, Gracie need a good stiff cock."

He grabbed my arms and threw me on the ground. I got up and punched him before making it up two stairs. He dragged me back down by my ankle making me hit my chin on the steps. I felt my chin bleeding… My knee hurt too, not sure but it might be fractured.

I started kicking him, but he caught my feet and he started pulling down my pants. He laughed as I fought against him. He held me in a sleeper for a few minutes to shut me up. I started drifting off and when he let go things were still blurry. I felt cold air against my now naked lower body. I gained consciousness again and fought harder than ever. He was already out, erect and now smiling angrily. My last resort... I screamed.

"Gracie you seen, we're in the basement and in the very end of it too. Nobody can hear you and nobody can help you."

Suddenly the door creaked open and there was talking and laughing. Owen was too preoccupied with me to notice. I felt his erection circling around my entrance. Please help get here soon. He had my mouth covered. He went inside of me and it hurt, I yelled silently. Help!

The owners of the two voices walked down the stairs and into the room we were in. it was Bianca and Eliza… they both looked shocked and Owen jumped back like I was hot as fire or something. Thank god.

"What the fuck is going on here Owen? You and this freak fucking or something?"

"Adam! Are you okay?"

Eliza ran over to me before seeing… everything…I clothed myself quickly but not quick enough. She saw everything that wasn't there but she didn't ask questions. She instead helped me up. I'd hurt my knee when he pulled me down the stairs. It hurt really badly. I hated to but I cried hard. Owen spoke and Eliza and I exited the basement.

"Where you taking her Eliza?"

"I'm taking her to the nurse and then I'm telling Simpson what I saw."

"Do that and you're a dead woman."

"Well color me lifeless… Fucking rapist."

Bianca looked confused. Like she didn't know whether to be disgusted or have pity on me. She just looked at Owen and shook her head. She must have pitied me. Owen yelled threats, but nobody was concerned. The basement door seemed so far away.

When we finally made it up I looked back once more to see Owen pacing and cursing to himself. Eliza tried to take me to the nurse but I refused. I told her and Bianca not to tell Simpson anything. Things are bad enough here without adding Transgender rape into the mix. I just really want my mom.

I convinced Eliza to go away…Then I walked out the door and I went home, to my mom. She was about to leave to get Drew but then she saw me, bloodied, beaten and with blood coming from my… privates and leaking down my pants.

"Adam… Honey?"

She asked questions but I refused to speak a word. I needed her to hold me and pat my head like she did when I was little. She did and I felt better but the pain was still there. I was raped…


	5. Chapter 5

Adam/Gracie/Rape part 2

Adam

I walked into Degrassi the next day feeling like more of a spectacle than ever. It felt like everyone was talking about me, pointing and laughing because the freak finally had something help _her_ snap out of it… I'm a _girl_.

I walked to my locker and Eli was there with a concerned look on his face. I wasn't in the mood to speak but I figure I had to say something because I was supposed to be crashing at his place.

"Eli, I forgot to tell you, me and my mom made up."

"That's...great. What happened to your chin? Your knee? What's with the shiner?"

"Nothing."

"Adam, dude was it Fitz?"

"No… For once Fitz's nose is completely clean."

"Well then what happened? You were acting weird all day and then after lunch you disappear…"

"Maybe I just wanted some space. All I ever do is sit around and play third wheel while you and Clare swoon over each other! I just want you to leave me the fuck alone!"

"Don't have to tell me twice."

The look in Eli's eyes and the quiver in his voice let me know that I'd hurt his feelings. Funny how sensitive a guy with his brainpower can be sometimes, I guess I was a little harsh but right now I just feel…dirty and I don't want to contaminate my friends and family. I'm just a dirty, filthy, _girl_….

I skipped out on class today. I know Eli probably told Clare everything by now and I wasn't in the mood for her….Kindness and understanding. I went to an alley in the back of the school and I cried. I cried because after all the counseling, the burning of the clothes, cutting my hair and even changing my name I still get made out to be a girl in the worst possible way! I was raped, Owen took my…virginity and I couldn't do anything about it. I turned into one of those girls from the movies who tries to scrub off her own skin in the bath and who lets tears stream down freely without trying to hold back…

I heard a door open and suddenly Bianca walked out into the alley. She had a hand-rolled joint in her hand and she looked saddened herself. She saw me but didn't say anything. I stopped crying aloud and I just let the tears stream without making a whimper or a sniffle.

"Adam look... I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Me too."  
"I know I don't seem like the type to condone snitching but you should have told Simpson and let us give our testimonies."

"What so everybody could know now? Just keep your trap shut please?"

"He raped you…"

"He didn't cum so it doesn't count."

"What fucked up dumbass rulebook is that in braniac?"

"Just please Bianca… Act like you never saw a thing."

"Fine, you wanna let that brute run the streets… fine with me."  
"Thank you."

Bianca smoked her joint and I started at the brick wall. It was silent except for the muted sound of passing cars and birds chirping. I had time to think about everything. My life so far, how things used to be and death… Right now that seems like the release I need.

The bell to change classes rang. I snuck back inside the building and went to art. I classroom was warm and the teacher's lecturing didn't appeal to me today. Blah blah charcoal, blah blah stippling. I fell asleep and I didn't wake up until the bell for the next class rang. Oh great, its lunch.

I was about to walk out the door to escape to my alley again but Eliza approached me. It's so embarrassing to look at her now. Not only did she witness Owen murdering my soul, but she knows what everyone else knows and now I'm not Adam to her anymore, I'm just some freak.

"Adam, wait up!"

"Go away..."

"Adam you promised to explain."

"What didn't you just ask Eli, Clare and the rest of the world my big secret?"

"It's not their secret to tell…"

"I'm a girl…duh….but I feel like a boy in my head. I'm transgender."

"Adam that's a big secret but everyone has secrets…"

"Well nobody has skeletons like mine now."

I started to walk away. I only took two steps and left her standing there but the words she said as I was going forward made me stop dead in my tracks and turn around to see if she was joking or not.

"I'm bi-polar Adam…"

"What? Is this a joke? You're bi-polar?"

"And I tried to kill myself before…"

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?"

"No, but you aren't the only one with secrets Adam."

"Eli never mentioned that."

"It's not his secret to mention… Plus I'd like to think he tries not to think about it. Things got pretty crazy around that time. I almost pushed him out of a two story window… Then I felt so bad about it that I took a handful of prescription sleeping pills. I had to have my stomach pumped and get charcoal run through me to neutralize the meds… But I got better and now I'm okay. Adam… I know that has nothing to do with you but…"

"I got it. Nobody has a perfect life, get help before shit gets too shitty. Check."

"Coming to lunch?"

"I just have to go to the restroom first. I'll meet you in the cafeteria and then maybe after that I'll…go see Ms. Sovae?"

"Great. See you in there."

I lied…hard. I ran out the front door of Degrassi, tears started to stain my eyes again. Now I know what I have to do and I only have one shot to do it. I waited until a car was passing. I stood at the edge of the road and when it got so close that it couldn't stop, I leaped out in front of it.

The only thing I remember is the sound of my head hitting the windshield and the smell of the burning rubber as the vehicle came to a screeching halt. The driver was yelling and calling for help as I faded into the darkness. It's scary but it beats being where I was…

**Hi guys reviews would be greatly appreciated, it lets me know what i need to improve, what i need to keep the same and it tells me if you (the reader) thinks the story is worth reading so please review? Thanks in advance, love you bunches!**


	6. Chapter 6

Clare

I was about to explode. I needed a repeat of what happened with Eli and me the other day and I needed it now! It's like… It was like a little piece of heaven wrapped around my entire body. His kisses are simply explosive so I shouldn't have been surprised that he um… Does what he does so very well. His lips and tongue caressing the most sensitive parts of me almost made me go insane!

The blood started to rush all over my body and butterflies rose up in my stomach. I started to space out as I clutched onto Eli's arm… my attention was completely devoted to the intense fantasy I was having about him. So much so that I didn't even notice him calling me at first.

"Clare…. Clare….Clare!"

"Oh, Eli, I'm sorry. What is it?"

"You were really thinking about something."

"I'm thinking that I wanna skip next period and go to my house with you. My mom isn't there."

"Ah so you liked the um… Service I provided for you."

"Loved it… Do it again."

"I like it when you get some stand up about you Ms. Edwards. Come on, we'll uh sneak outta this pop stand. Prepare for the best…again."

"I'm already there."

We walked out of the cafeteria and through the hallways. There wasn't anyone there. I pushed him into the locker and kissed him, what the hell is coming over me? Clare, what the hell is coming over you? Eli refused to let me have all the power so we stumbled over to the other side of the hallway and he pinned me against the locker. My fingertips probed through his hair, making it messy. His arms wrapped around my waist while his mouth delivered quick, overlapping kisses to my neck and chest.

"Eli, we have to make a break for it."

"Yeah… we do."

We ran out the front door and happened to see an ambulance and a crowd of people in the street. I stopped to look but I couldn't see much, just a car with a busted windshield, paramedics and the nosey crowd of people.

"Eli, what's going on over there?"

"We'll find out tomorrow… come on."

I got into the car and Eli took off. Though I was still curious as to whom it was who'd been hurt, I figured getting the scoop on it could wait until the next day. So we went to my house. Eli pulled into the driveway and we got out…

We nearly busted through the front door. He threw me over his shoulder and we went up the stairs. He plopped me on the bed and he pulled my bottom half to the edge of the bed by my hips. I rose up and pulled him closer to me by his shirt. He fell on top of me; his hands were exploring my body. I pulled up Eli's shirt. He didn't object.

"Well now we have to make things even Clare, a shirt for a shirt."

"Smart ass… How about pants for a skirt?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

He stood up and kicked off his pants. I wiggled out of my skirt and tossed it onto the floor beside my bed. I noticed that Eli was wearing black boxers with a big white skull on the front. His underwear looked like a pirate ship flag.

When I realized that for the first time I was practically naked in front of Eli I found myself blushing. Last time he just took off my underwear but I kept on all my clothes, now we were nude. Well, almost…. He placed soft kisses on my stomach while he palmed my breasts. He worked his way back up and he kissed the tops of my breasts while he used his thumbs to caress my nipples through the bra I was wearing.

His lips made their way back to mine. His kisses were passionate and aggressive. He delivered little nips to my lip with his teeth every now and then. I barely had time to catch my breath, but I didn't want to. I like the way Eli takes my breath away. Every time our eyes met we couldn't help but smile at each other. Nothing was awkward about the situation, and found that I wasn't ashamed to be naked in front of Eli.

I loved this new feeling I was feeling. The way it feels to have him touching me from head to toe with no interference from those pesky things…clothes. I especially liked the way that I could feel his hardness against my center. It just seems like the right moment. I don't know though, what if Eli won't?

"Eli…"

"What? God your lips taste so good."

"Yours too… I... do you have a condom?"

"No, but we aren't having sex…well not like that."

"I'm ready."

"Clare you don…"

"Eli, I've only been able to think of this for weeks. I want to have sex… with you."

"You're sure?"

"So sure that…well I'm sure."  
"I have a rubber in Morty's change compartment. Be right back."

"You'd better."

He kissed me once more before making the quick run to get the condom. I took a deep breath and tried to stop myself from being overly impatient. When he got back with the condom it felt like it'd been hours, when indeed it'd barely been two minutes.

He closed my room door and we went back to where we left off. He was kissing me aggressively. His body felt hot touching mine, but this was a good burn. Maybe it's the lust and longing radiating off of us…

When I thought I was going to explode he opened the condom and rolled it on. I looked down as he did; he's got a nice size setup down there, which made me a little nervous. I am a virgin and I've heard that it hurts. But…nothing can feel bad with Eli.

He pulled my panties off using his teeth. I ran my fingers through his now, messy hair and I looked at the ceiling. There were stars on the ceiling. I looked back down at Eli and he was making his way back up, positioning himself to enter me. I held onto him tight as I gave away my virginity. I felt him go into me, it hurt like hell. I let out small whimpers and tightened my grip on Eli. He looked me in my eyes and then he kissed me.

He started to move in and out of me slowly. Bending down every now and then to place a soft kiss on my lips… Moans escaped from my lips as the pain gave way to something more relatable, pleasure. His hands started to explore my body while his erection pumped in and out of my aching, accepting body. His fingers found their way to my clitoris. He started to gently massage it while he stroked me gently. The orgasm then was almost instantaneous and it was more intense than anything I've ever felt in my life! My core started to clench and Eli continued, slow steady and deep until he had his own orgasm. He collapsed on top of me. We both laid there out of breath and a little sweaty. I ran my fingers through his hair again and he kissed my neck and shoulders.

"Clare, I love you."

"I love you too Eli."

When half our energy had been restored we got up and got redressed. He put his clothes back on and retrieved his phone from the floor, guess it fell out of his pocket. He started looking through his text messages and his face was telling me that something was definitely wrong.

"Eli?"

"We have to go to the hospital… Now."

"Why?"

"Because Adam jumped in front of a car. That was him today!"

"Shit."

I scrambled to find my clothes. Tears started to fill my eyes at I reassembled my outfit. We rushed out the door and went to the hospital. Mrs. Torres was there along with Drew, Mr. Torres and a few others from school. Eliza was coming from a refreshments area with coffee for Mrs. Torres. What in the hell is going on right now? Why would Adam do this? He didn't seem depressed the last time I seen him. Something is missing from this big picture…

Eli went over to Mrs. Torres to get the news. She told him and he came back not looking happy or hopeful. I was going to ask him what she said, but I didn't have to. When he sat down he started telling me the situation.

"Adam has a bad concussion and his brain is swelling so they are doing some surgery to try and relieve the pressure. After that he should be okay on that front but he broke all his ribs on the left side and one of them is puncturing his lung, so they have to fix that too. Not to mention his broken collarbone, fractured hip and shattered leg on the left side as well. Oh, and he fractured a few bones in his neck. The doctors basically don't know shit right now, so at this point they can't tell us whether Adam will live or…"

Eli burst into tears and so did I. I held him close and we cried together. Adam is a part of our crew. He's the life of the party, the mediator, the peacemaker…he's my friend. I can't believe he would try and kill himself. There has to be more to this. Surely there is right? Why would one of the most good-natured people I know what to take themselves away from all the people who care about them? Why would Adam do this to us?

**Review Please? Thanks bunches. Love you. Muah!**


	7. Chapter 7

Eli

Being at the hospital was stressful… Seeing Adam's family cry, seeing Clare cry… It was all too much so I left without a struggle when the nurses told us only family would be allowed to stay the night in the waiting room.

Clare and I walked out of the hospital and to Morty. I barely recognized that Eliza was even there. She got into the back part of Morty and shut the door herself. I started driving, rather absent mindedly until Clare caught my attention.

"Stop!"

"Wh… (slams on the brake)

"That truck would have crushed us Eli; you were running that red light. Are you sure you're okay to drive?  
"I'm fine Clare… I just have a lot on my brain right now. I'm fine."

After that incident I realized that I almost got Clare and I killed….oh yeah Eliza too I guess. Though I didn't want to say goodbye to her, I was happy when I pulled up to her house. She hugged me goodbye and walked up to the front door. When she made it in I prepared to take off. I realized though, that Eliza was still in the back of Morty. I knocked on the partition and there was no answer so I went got out and went around to the back of the car. She was crying… This wasn't a cry of just sorrow though. There was guilt in her eyes, her sobs and her sniffles. Why would she feel guilty about any of this?

"Why are your crying from guilt? This wasn't your fault was it?"

"No… Well… not directly. I can't tell you."

"Adam is dying Eliza! You'd fucking better tell me what's going on!"

"Adam has been sad lately…"

"Yeah, don't I fucking know it? But what does that have to do with you and your guilt?"

"I know why Adam is sad. But, he made me swear to keep my trap shut."

"Spill it or else."

"Eli, I can't! Adam made me swear not to tell her secret!"

"Her… How in the hell did you know Adam's big secret?"

"He told me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm his friend…"

"I don't think that's it."

"Eli just fucking drop it! I refuse to be put on trial here!"

"Well then get the fuck out and walk…"

"Fine. I'll walk."

She climbed out of the car grabbing her backpack and coat. She took to the sidewalk. I was so pissed and eager to get home to investigate that my tires squalled as I took off. I made it there in less than ten minutes, and without a ticket luckily….

When I pulled my car into the driveway I noticed a girl sitting on the front porch. It was Bianca. Her face was tear stained and she was shivering. That's when I realized it was actually cold outside with little snow flurries sparingly falling from the sky. She was sitting on my front porch… why?

"Bianca. Why are you here?"

"I need to tell you why Adam done what he done… I… The Torres' aren't home and the hospital wouldn't allow me back. So I came here to you."

"Come in."

She walked into my house and she started to thaw out a little. I looked out the window and the snow was picking up. Eliza still wasn't home… I'll give it an hour before I go and look for her….

Bianca sat on my couch and rubbed her hands together. Her face was red because she'd been exposed to the cold for so long… Exactly how long was she sitting out there I wonder? None of that matters now though….

"Talk."

"Eliza was having me teach her MMA stuff so she could impress Fitz with knowledge of the sport whenever they hung out… We were going down to the basement and that's when we saw Owen raping Adam… She…he... whatever… Was all bruised and bloodied and he was bleeding from the middle pretty bad. We helped Adam up the stairs and Eliza and I wanted to go and tell Simpson or the police, somebody but Adam told us to stay mum and stay out of it. I tried one more time to get him to let us give our eyewitness, and Eliza was probably trying up until Adam tried to off himself… So there… Don't let a soul know I was here."

"Sure thing."

The anger rushed through my body like a monsoon sweeping away a small town. What gives that fucking idiot the right to rape someone like Adam? What would give that maniac the right to rape anyone? He has to be delt with before he gets to another honestly good person. Who next Clare? Eliza…. She still wasn't back and the snow was starting to pick up. I couldn't see if it was sticking or not but if it does, school will be cancelled….

I paced around the living room thinking of a plan. Owen has to pay for this, and I do mean pay… If Adam dies…. Hell I don't even want to think about that. I grabbed a crowbar and got directions to Owen's house. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my cell phone rang, it was Clare.

"Hello?"

"Eli, my mom is bringing Eliza home. The snow was too bad for her to walk so she backtracked and asked for a ride. Why would you get so mad at her anyway? She promised Adam she wouldn't tell… You know how he is when it comes to his secrets."

"Clare you don't know what you're talking about. She should have told and she's stupid for not telling. Keep her for all you want... I don't want to see her fucking face."

"Eli, look I know you're angry and sad but… you shouldn't take this out on Eliza."

"I love you Clare."

I hung up the phone and turned it off. I went for the door again and this time my father came down the stairs. He looked tired and half asleep but that didn't stop him from conversing with me.

"How's Adam?"

"Dying… probably."

"What's with the crowbar?"

"Just going to give someone a present."

"Eli, I know you're upset dad."

"No dad you don't know! This shouldn't have happened to Adam! None of it! It's not fair, and I'm going to fix it."

"Eli…"

I ran out the door and into the cold. I didn't feel like driving and I'm not good at driving in the snow so I just took my feet. Owen's house wasn't as far away as I thought so I got there within an hour… The crowbar felt like it was welded to my hand with ice, my arms and legs were numb. It's fucking cold, but frostbite would be worth it to dole out some justice. I went up to the front porch and knocked on the door loudly. Dogs barked and I heard the sick fuck's voice.

He came to the door and looked shocked. He'd apparently been asleep but once he saw me there he looked confused and his eyes widened. He became more alert too. I stood my ground and looked him right in his fucking pathetic eyes.

"Eli…"

"Rapist."

I hit him in the stomach with the crowbar. He bowed over momentarily and then he hit me in the face. It was easy to tell that I was bleeding; the blood was warm compared to everything else on my body right now. I struck him back, hitting him in the sides with the crowbar this time and then once in the back of the head. He plummeted to the ground but rose quickly, stumbled and slurring his language.

"Fucking gothic freak… you don't know what you're getting yourself into. Yeah I raped your freak of a friend Gracie, and you wanna know something else… I'll rape your girlfriend and your sister right in front of you…"

I started to drive the pointy edges of the crowbar right through his chest, but suddenly the police tackled me to the ground. They wrestled the crowbar out of my hands. I let it go willingly. They cuffed me and put me in the car. I didn't even notice that Owen's mother was standing there… How long was she there?

I watched from the police cruiser as she smacked him and pushed him. The police pulled her off and then cuffed him. She started screaming and through the glass I could hear her crying "my son's a rapist! My son's a rapist!"

They carried him away in a separate cruiser. They took me down to the station and put me in the interrogation room. I ate half the donuts on the plate and then I had a glass of water, if they're offering…

"Son, why did you do it?"

"Officer… Adam Torres tried to kill himself yesterday. He's the best friend I've ever had in my life. He was happy… Then I find out from a reliable source and eyewitness… that Owen raped my friend Adam and he was the reason Adam tried to kill himself… I... wanted to kill him because it's not fair Adam should die and miss out on all the happy years to come while that fucking pervert gets to live and go about raping others!"

"You just confessed to a crime son."

"I'm aware of that."

"First major offence…. You're looking at about a year or more but…we don't know jack shit. You got a rapist off the streets… So if you keep your nose clean and your mouth shut, then this never happened…Got it?"

"Yes officer."

"Good, we'll drive you home. Remember though; keep up your end of the deal. Can't have you blabbing about getting off."

"Yes sir."

"Get your shit kid, you're going home."

I didn't have any shit to grab, except my crowbar. They refused to let me have that back so I just got into the cruiser. When I walked into the house my dad was sitting up drinking coffee. He looked worried. Eliza was sleeping on the couch with her head in his lap…

"Get what you were after?"

"Yeah."  
"You know she didn't mean any harm…  
"I know. I was just… I needed something to be mad at."

"Make sure you tell her that."

"I will."

"Oh, and school's cancelled tomorrow. Snow's sticking to the streets."

Although the snow day is sure to be fun with just Clare and me….there will be a huge piece missing… Adam. So tomorrow, I'll go check on my best buddy and since he's technically in a coma I'll tell him about how I kicked ass in his honor…That will wake him up… I know it will.

**reviews please...thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

Clare

I couldn't believe the news Eli was telling me. Adam got raped? Eli attacked Owen with a crowbar in the middle of the mini blizzard last night? They both got arrested and taken to jail… What the hell was going on last night? Was I asleep while the entire freaking world was flipping upside down?

I saw the slight bruising on Eli's face and it took me back to a few months ago when he was constantly being bullied. I hate to see him hurt… but I'm glad Owen got put in jail where he belongs. Monsters like him don't deserve to roam the streets to hurt good people.

After Eli told me about his crazy night, we went to the hospital. Adam was awake this time and looking like hell in a hospital bed. His hair was all over the place and his face was still bruised pretty badly. We both approached the hospital bed cautiously. Adam turned his head.

"You guys shouldn't see me like this. Eli, why are you even here? I was so mean to you…"

"You're my bud Adam, so you cursed me out… It's all forgiven."

"Your sister's a rat."

"No she's fruit fly, annoying and harmless… she didn't tell anything. It was someone else."

"Bianca…"

"Adam, in both their defense, they were right and Bianca was upset and crying man."

"Withdraws?"

"Guilt…"

"Does everyone know?"

"No, I don't guess but they are bound to know something happened when you come back to school looking like that, and when Owen just doesn't come back."

"So he just…told?"

"I may have beaten it out of him with a crowbar last night at the beginning of the worst of the tiny blizzard we had."

"Righteous…"

"I'm sorry to break up your lovely conversation, but Adam hasn't even seen the snow today!"

"It stuck?"

"Degrassi was cancelled."

"Of all the days…"

We stayed with Adam for a couple hours. He could talk but he couldn't move a lot. When we joked he had to control his laughs to keep from hurting his ribs. I do hate seeing him like this, but I'm positive he'll get better. The worst part surely has to be over…Right?

When we left the hospital it was already turning dark. Eli and I went to his house. I was surprised to see Fitz of all people in the front yard making snow angels with Eliza. Eli must have been a little shocked too by the way he looked when he pulled up.

Eli's dad was shoveling snow off the sidewalk, and probably supervising Eliza and Fitz. For once the bully who I thought was going to kill my boyfriend seemed innocent and harmless… the side I seen of him at the dance, before the anger, and er…knives…was magnified times a million right now and he was a child again.

Eli and I greeted everyone and then we went into his house. We went to his bedroom. It's still messy like I figured it would be. Clothes everywhere, little notes and old journals cover the floor like carpet. I'll bet he has enough journals filled to make and autobiography…

I sat on his unmade bed and kicked my shoes off. I snuggled under the covers and he looked at me. He started to chuckle a little bit and shake his head. I motioned for him to join me and he did. He planted soft kisses all over my face. I pretended to be grossed out….

"Ew gross, now I have cooties!"

"Ha! You're complaining about those kind of late, aren't you?"

"Smart ass."

"Want to uh, warm up the old fashioned way?"

"Um…"

"Don't stress, we don't have to. I'll just lay here and we can talk about… Twilight."

"You want to talk about Twilight?"

"Course not… I just wanted to see what you'd say. Let's just talk…"

So that's what we did. We just talked and cuddled up while we discussed politics, views on marriage and then something we'd never talked about with each other… Religion. I guess in the back of my mind I hoped Eli was a Christian like me, but I never bothered to ask because I was afraid my assumption might be wrong. If he isn't a Christian though, that won't really change anything between us right?

"So Eli, who do you believe in?"

"You're asking what my religion is… gosh Clare how rude…"

"Answer the question."

"Christian… Believe it or not… I used to sing on the choir."

"No way."

"I'm just kidding… I can't sing but yeah I mean I haven't attended church in a while but… I haven't turned on the big guy."

"Phew… Thank goodness."

"Why? Did you think I was some kind of devil worshipper or something?"

"I tried not to have that as an option."

"Would you have dumped me if I wasn't Christian?"

"I don't know…"

"Yes you do… you would have left me in the dust, but felt bad about it."

"You have all the answers huh smart ass?"

"Not all the answers…but a lot of them. Now Clare Edwards… answer a question for me."

"What?"

"Do you ever want kids?"

"Yes, of course…Why?"

"No reason, I just wanted to know."

"Oh… think we'll last that long?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, we are young… young couples always break up."

"Your hope is downright blinding."

"Eli, come on, don't make a big thing out of this… I was just…"

"Clare, just don't… Okay."

"Please answer the question Eli."

"Fine… I think we will make it as a couple until we're so old that your boobs and my ass sag at the same level."

"Gross Eli! I think we'll make it too."

Once the crisis was averted the perfect snow day commenced. We watched movies in his room under the covers, elbow to elbow on his bed. The movie was some gory horror flick. I wasn't really paying attention to that, rather though Eli's little laughs and chuckles at the most grotesque scenes.

From outside I could still hear Eliza and Fitz having their fun. Mr. Goldsworthy was in the house now, I heard him walk through the halls. That's something we could do… I want to go and play in the snow!

I got up from the bed and I started putting on my shoes. Eli looked puzzled and he rose up from the messy bed. He got off the bed and started quizzing me on why I was putting my shoes and coat on.

"What are you doing Clare?"

"I want to go play in the snow Eli!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes! Your sister sounds like she's having so much fun! It's been forever since I played in the snow."

"Eliza's having fun in the snow because she's mentally five years old. Clare you will get sick."

"Eli, I'm going out to play in the snow… Either you're with me or against me."

He rolled his eyes and exhaled gruffly before putting on his shoes and coat. We went outside and the pure white sky burned my eyes. I walked into a huge pile of the fluffy stuff. For a moment I was ten years old again, forcing Darcy to play with me…however all memories were tucked into a safe place when Eli popped me with a snowball in the back. The cold thud made me jump and squeal a little. Fitz and Eliza stopped their snow… fun to look at me. It was completely silent so I broke the quiet. I gathered some snow in my hands and patted it into a ball… then I declared war.

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!"

The next thing I knew there was a war going on. Every man for himself. My target was Eli and I must say my attempts at redeeming myself were pathetic. His snowballs didn't fall apart like mine, but that wasn't an issue once I found a sand pail that was randomly lying around. I ran and hid, while filling the pail with the fluffy stuff… Eli didn't know what hit him when I dumped the snow on him. He yelled out and then he chased after me. He got vengeance by putting snow down the back of my shirt. On a scale of crappy to great, this day was pretty awesome. I should probably cherish these happy moments since I'll be spending a month packing up my life to move it in the house that next door to this one.…

**Guys please review, otherwise I won't know how I'm doing . Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

Clare

Christmas time in the Edwards household…. It's not the same. Grandma's here, and so are my aunts and uncles. We have to pick Darcy up from the airport in an hour, but now the weight of the divorce and my dad being absent are really affecting me. I thought if I pretended he was dead things would be better, but I somehow always remember the truth… He left me here without so much as a goodbye… He left us without a dime to keep our heads afloat, so for the first time in my life… We are celebrating Christmas in another house. At least I can go next door to see Eli whenever I want…

I sat on the front porch while I waited for my mom to get her things before we headed to the airport. I happened to look over to the Goldsworthy's and I saw a Volkswagen hippie van pulling up into the driveway. Suddenly Eliza shot out of the house like a bottle rocket shooting into the sky. She hugged the guy and then checked his pockets pulling out a piece of candy. This must be their older brother….

She happened to spot me and she motioned for me to come over. I walked over cautiously, careful not to slip on the little puddle of ice that formed between out lawns. When I made it over she started the introduction.

"Clare, this is our older brother Tommy, Tommy this is Eli's girlfriend Clare… I think he wanted to introduce you two but Clare was already sitting here and it would have been rude…Well…just act surprised later..."

"Sure thing Eliza… Clare nice to meet you. I um, presume you have only good intentions for my brother?"

"Oh nothing but the best intentions… But you ought to ask him his intentions of me."

"Touché Clare…"

My mother called me and I had to go. On the way to the airport I texted Eli just to find out his location. He was out Christmas shopping… the big news to me was that he was actually going to wrap the gifts himself. Eli is many things, but it doesn't seem like a gift wrapper would be one of them... But who knows, Elijah Goldsworthy never ceases to amaze me… Him and all his shenanigans.

We got to the airport and my stomach started to ball up in a knot. Mom would have to tell Darcy the news now, before we got back to the house full of guests… That way she would have time to calm down. I wonder how this would go? One thing's for sure…. If Darcy was expecting a good old family Christmas she'd be let down…. Even more so than me.

We sat in the airport for ten minutes before we saw her walk through the gates. She cut her hair… Darcy cut her hair. It was shorter than mine. It was shorter than Eli's… It was shorter than most of the guys I know. Almost to the scalp. My mom gasped and put her hands over her mouth. She looked at Darcy's head as she went to hug her… Darcy just giggled as my mother checked out her new look.

I was next to get a hug. She felt warm… and I can say that this is one instance where I've missed her… It's been a long time since I've physically seen my sister and I never knew how much I missed her until now…. Once all hugs and greetings were out of the way my mother spoke her mind.

"Darcy honey… What the heck did you do with your beautiful hair?"

"Mom, don't freak out. There was just a little lice incident at the orphanage and the easiest thing to do was to chop it all off. It'll grow back."

"Let's pray so dear."

We helped her carry her luggage to the car and then load it in. Once we got away from the airport traffic I noticed my mom taking the long way home… Darcy was telling about her flight and her friends and all these other things. It's like she couldn't sense to tension. Then it happened, Darcy bought up dad.

"Where is dad? I'm surprised he wasn't here at the airport…"

"Darcy, that is something I have to talk to you about dear…."

"What is it mom?"

"Well darling… Daddy and I started having problems a while ago and so a few months ago we divorced and he moved to the states."

"What?"

"Dear, we figured it was too trivial to tell you about while you were off with your work. It's nothing really."  
"So because I'm away you think it's suitable to hide things like this from me? Gosh mom!"

"See this is why I didn't want to tell you honey, you're upset now stop crying."

"She sold the house too Darcy. Dad left us broke."

"Clare thanks for saying it with cushion for Darcy."

"I don't need cushioning! I'm fine… Where is the new house?"

"Honey, it's a few blocks down… Smaller and easier to afford."

"Merry freaking Christmas."

Darcy sniffled in the backseat, but by the time she made it home she was done crying. She looked angry, but not at me, or mom… just angry period. We helped her get her bags into the house and everyone cascaded her with hugs and greetings. Good, while they catch up I can maybe get some holiday time with Eli… if he's home.

I went up to my room and dialed his number he picked on the second ring. It sounded quiet where he was, but I heard paper rattling and tape tearing so I knew he must be busy wrapping…

"You've reached your smart handsome boyfriend. What can I do for you?"

"In the mood for company?"

"Sure, why not… It is pretty lonely. Eliza took Tommy to meet Fitz… Hurl…"

"It's Christmas, so be nice…. I'll be right over."

"No need to be nice when I'm permanently etched on the naughty list."

"Whatever smart ass… Open the door."

I heard him coming down the stairs. He opened the door quickly and I walked in. He greeted me with a sudden, intense kiss. He almost took my lips off my face… I looked at him, breath taken away and he just chuckled before pointing up... Ah, mistletoe.

"I'm glad you're here Clare. I have something I want to give you before our big party tonight… Maybe you could wear it then or something… You don't have to its stupid really."

"Eli just give me the damn gift. It could never be stupid."

"Okay… Here goes."

He handed me a present that looked like it'd survived a plane crash. Yeah, like I thought… He's not much of a wrapper but it's the thought that counts. I opened the present hastily, almost paper cutting myself several times. Underneath the wrapper there was a box, and inside that box was a velvet box… I opened it and saw a locket with a tiny key attached. I opened it and there was a picture of us goofing around, and on the other side there was the sweetest and most Eli-esque quote "Twist my rubber arm again… I love you Clare."… Good thing I had my eyes fixed because it was in tiny italicized writing. Once I read the message I smiled.

"Eli, this is the most not stupid thing I've ever seen. It's perfect. Thank you and I love you too."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Put it on me?"

"Sure…"

He stood close behind me while he hooked the clasp on the necklace. Once it was on I realize how it complimented my cross necklace. Now I won't have to take turns wearing either… I'll just wear them both everyday… Once the necklace was hooked I turned around to face Eli. He was smiling smugly like always so I decided this time to take his breath away. I kissed him as aggressively as I could …without ripping out a clump of his hair.

He grabbed my hips and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He backed me into the wall and we stood there kissing. His hands we constantly roaming back and forth from my hips to the small of my back. Suddenly he made up his mind and put his hands in my back pockets. I done the same and so that's the way we stood… Under mistletoe until his dad walked in.

We broke apart quickly with the exception of one quick kiss… I looked at Eli's face and remember that I had in fact worn pink lipstick that day and it was smeared all over his face. He didn't have time to wipe it off. Mr. Goldsworthy walked into the living room and spotted us.

"Eli, taking advantage of Clare under the mistletoe?"

"You know me so well."

"Clare, how are you? Holidays going well?"

"Yes Mr. Goldsworthy… I was just coming over to get a gift from Eli... I actually should get going… Gotta get ready for your party tonight."

"Oh, well we won't hold you. Bring a friend!"

"Yes sir. Bye Eli."

"Bye Clare."

Eli told me goodbye, but he was really telling me to open my window. I rushed over to my house and past grandparents, aunts and uncles who were playing yahtzee. This could go on for hours!

I went to my room only to see Darcy sitting on my bed. She still looked sad, but she looked more… I don't know… like she'd accepted it. I didn't have time to call Eli or tell him to abort the mission, and I certainly couldn't kick Darcy out of my room. So I closed to door and told her not to freak. Eli knocked on my window and I opened it. He climbed through my window and Darcy's jaw dropped.

"Little sister sneaking boys into your room? Tisk tisk… Who is this?"

"Darcy, this is my boyfriend Eli. Eli, this is my sister Darcy."

"Nice you meet you Eli. You are adorable!"

"Uh… Thanks Darcy. It's nice to meet you too…."

"Well, you two probably want a moment alone. So I will just…"

"No, actually Clare. I was just coming over to see if you would be drinking sparkling soda with the toast? I need to know how many one dollar wine glasses to buy."

"Oh definitely."

"Oh hey Darcy, you should come too. It's a party next door that my family throws every year. It'll be fun."

"I'd love to but um I have plans…"

"With Peter?"

"Nosy Saint- Clare yes... If you must know."

"Peter, the guy from the dot? You two…"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Well Clare see you in a couple hours. Darcy see you around."

"Bye Eli…"

"Goodbye Eli."

Eli climbed back out the window and I shut it. Darcy stood there looking at me with a grin on her face and her arms crossed. I knew I had some explaining to do, and I didn't mind telling her the entire story… This took about an hour. By the time I was done she was speechless.

"Wow Clare… That is….geez. And it seems like you guys are pretty serious. Have you two… you know?"

"Yeah, we have. Only like four times though."

"Oh that's all Clare? That's major! I hope you guys are being safe."

"As safe as safe can be…"

"Good, just… be careful."

"I will Darc, don't worry."

She pinched my cheeks and shook my head from side to side. When he released my jaws they stung a little. My face was probably red because she pinched hem.

"My baby sister is all grown up. Oh, I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too Darc."

"How are you doing with all this dad stuff?"

"He didn't say goodbye… He left while I was at grandmas for break."

"That sucks… I wonder how dad just changed that way."

"No clue… But at least you're home for Christmas. Now let's get ready for our plans tonight."

"Well actually, I'm already dressed... I'm gonna head to the dot. Catch you later?"  
"For sure."

"Okay."

Darcy left my room… That left me alone with my closet. Hmmm, now what to wear tonight? I couldn't make up my mind about what to put on. Who could I call? Alli, no… She was out of town with her family. Jenna? She's spending time with her dad…I made a call to the Goldsworthy household.

"Hello?"

"Hi... Eliza?"

"Hey Clare. What's up?"

"I was actually calling for you. I can't decide what to wear tonight an…"

"Shut up Clare Edwards! I'll be right there!"

Before I could hang up the phone and get downstairs the doorbell chimed. My mother answered the door and introduced Eliza to my family. They all greeted her cheerfully like they greet everyone. Such pleasant people…

She came up the steps and walked into my room. I closed the door behind me. I didn't say anything as she rummaged through my closet, my drawers and my under-bed storage containers. I couldn't fuss because I called for her help.

She finally pulled out a pair of black pleather leggings I'd gotten out of impulse and a red asymmetrical crop top that had a black tank top underneath. She even dug up a pair of black knee length boots I'd never worn. The outfit was sexy, yet not revealing if that is even possible.

"Clare, you are going to look great! I'm glad you called… I was bored over there because they are all watching gore movies and gore makes me wig out a little. So I was just upstairs… Alone and bored… Fitz is helping his mom cook so no Fitz."

"Eliza, you could have just come over. Gosh, I'm your brother's girlfriend but that doesn't mean we can't hang out."

"Thanks Clare… Since we're friends I need some advice..."

"What kind of advice?"

"Clare….. serious advice. I need to get things cooking…If you know what I mean…"

"Eliza shouldn't you…"

"Clare come on! I know you do it! You just seem like that type!"

"Excuse me?"

"Clare…don't play coy. You're probably a pro at it."  
"Well I wouldn't go that far."

"I bet you've tried everything!"

"Okay, I'm really not hat experienced as you think. It might burn your ears but Eli does all the work. I mean of course I do my share but most of the time I just lay back and enjoy the services."

"What? Wait what are you talking about?"

"You're asking me sex advice right?"

"No! Gosh no Clare! My ears are burning! Ew! You and Eli have sex! I didn't need to know that!"

"Sorry… Well what did you want to know?"

"How to cook or bake! You seem like you'd know how to because you're… Well you're bubbly Clare. Bubbly girls always bake. I need to know what you know so that I can keep my man."

"Right… I don't know anything about baking Eliza. I'm sorry."

"Crap… Now I'll have to ask my grandma. She'll kill me."

"Be strong."

She left after I thanked her for helping with the outfit. I laughed to myself about the huge misunderstanding we had. I guess that is what happens when communication isn't as strong as it should be.

I jumped in the shower and put on the outfit. I looked smoking hot! But I wasn't showing any skin. I am going to have to give Eliza a big old smooch the next time I see her. I curled my hair and put on a little black eye shadow… It goes with the outfit.

When I got back into my room Eli was sitting on my bed. He was wearing a red shirt with a black vest… We kind of match. He smiled when he saw me and I grinned back. I wish we could just have to party with the two of us… Well that's not a party but still fun.

"You look so hot Clare. You've been shopping?"

"No, while you were watching movies with your dad and brother Eliza snuck over here, rummaged through my things to find this outfit and snuck back after she and I had an embarrassing miscommunication."

"What do you mean?"

"She was asking me about cooking but I thought she was talking about sex. I kind of let her know that we do it and that you are usually the leader."

"Oh… No wonder she shook her head at me."

"Yeah, she seemed traumatized."

"She'll live. We have five minutes until party time? Wanna deck the halls?..."

"Yeah… but later tonight. Then um maybe we'll both end up on Santa's naughty list."

**Reviews please...Comments, concerns... All of that good . Love ya!**


	10. Chapter 10

Eli

The party is awesome as always. Dad cooked up some roasted marshmallows while we listened to the Tran-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas disk. It was even better than usual because Clare was here with me. This Christmas is definitely better than the last two; consider the fact that I was mourning Julia. But now that Clare is here, I'm actually happy to have the holidays come round… I'm happy to have each passing day come by. Life is sweet for me.

When all the marshmallows were gone my dad started telling his traditional scary Christmas stories… So awesome! I feel like a kid again… Except when I was a kid these used to scare the hell out of me. I wanted to go to sleep for Santa to come, but I was scared to close my eyes.

Everyone listened carefully as he started to whisper and then he suddenly yelled, everyone jumped including Adam who was standing on crutches. Suckers… Okay, so maybe I jumped a little too. These stories never get old, not even to Tommy and he's the oldest of us all.

After more stories, karaoke and a kick ass conga line… The party ended. I paid Eliza twenty bucks to do my part of the clean up so that I could have some alone time with Clare. She agreed, but shook her head at me again.

I remembered that I said I would take Adam home, so Clare sat in the middle and we threw Adam's crutches in the back. The ride to Adam's was filled with fun, easy conversation. He seems to be doing better about…you know. He hasn't tried to kill himself anymore and he's going to therapy. No word on that pervert Owen though… Once there, I helped Adam out of the car.

"Parking with Clare tonight?"

"Yeah…"

"You two are so in love."

"Shut up dude before I push you into the snow."

"For telling the truth?"

"Whatever Adam… Ready for Christmas in the Torres house?"  
"Ready for the food and Christmas cartoon marathons, but not ready to be Gracie for two days to please old, fragile Grandma."

"So, just tell her already."

"Not that simple… Well dude, thanks for helping me to the door. Go get a hurting put on you by Clare."

"Goodbye Adam."

I went back to the car where Clare was going through my glove compartment. What a nosey thing to do. I opened the car and got in, she tried to close up the hatch and look natural but she was caught. It was just condoms and wet wipes in there but still…

"Find something you like in there Edwards?"

"Sorry… I was just curious… Most people have ketchup, straws, napkins, papers and tire gauges in their glove compartments but not you… No, you have wet wipes and condoms."

"At least I'm prepared."

"That is fucking hot."

"Clare, you said a curse!"

"Eli I've cursed before and I'll do it again.. Fuck, fuck, fuck…"

"Me."

"Smartass."

"You're a bad girl Clare."

"So punish me."

"You weren't lying about the naughty list thing huh?"

"Eli… I keep dreaming about the last time we had sex every time I close my eyes, even for a nap. My body needs this... My body needs you."

She kissed me, more aggressively than she's ever kissed me before. So I returned the kiss back before making my way down to her neck and chest. How far was this going to go in The Torres family's driveway? I don't know because I can't stop myself right now. Her cell phone rang.

"Eli… I have to get this."

"Shit... Okay."

"Hello? Hi Darc what… He is? He is! What the fuck… Grrr…. Fine, I'll be home in a minute."

"Bad news?"

"My dad is back home; my mom says I have to come home now…"

"Guess we won't be decking the halls after all."

"Don't worry; we can always ring in the New Year."

I drove Clare home. I was concerned because she looked really upset. After she made it to the front door I pulled into my drive way at the next house and waved to her while she waved through the door. She blew me a kiss before going into the house.

When I went through my own door, my older brother Tommy was having a beer with my dad. Eliza was probably somewhere being weird and girly. Maybe she was talking to Fitz or painting her nails, hell I don't know.

I plopped down on the couch, trying to hide my disappointment from the two men there who knew me better than most people ever get to. Tommy tossed me a beer; I popped the top open and took a sip. Ahhh refreshing. My dad broke the silence.

"So you didn't get laid huh?"

"No, I didn't… Geez dad what an artistic way to put it."

"What happened little bro? Oh, and Clare seems really nice. Can't believe she's letting you go all the way."

"Family drama emergency, and yeah she's the best… At first, she was waiting until marriage but..."

"Shit little bro you changed her mind? Skills that tight?"

"No Thomas… She changed her own mind. Some things happened and her views changed. I tried to talk her out of it, but that was just starting a fight so I done what she wanted."

"Shit."

"You two be glad I'm such a cool realistic dad of both your little asses would be grounded for cursing and being sexually active."

"Dad you are truly awesome"

"Yeah dad, I agree with Tommy, you are awesome."

We sat in the living room drinking beers. This is something I can only do during the holidays, when it's just my dad, Tommy and me. Eliza usually isn't here; she's usually with… her mom….

I had to pee, so I went upstairs to the bathroom. When I came out I happened to hear sniffling across the hall coming from Eliza's room. I knocked on the door, it came open. There was no trace of her. This is really weird and creepy. I followed the sniffles and they led me to the top shelf of her closet. What the hell is she a cat or something?

"Hey buddy, what's going on?"

"Go away Eli."  
"No that's okay. What's wrong? How in the hell did you get up here?"

"Like everybody else gets up here… I talked to my mother today."

"Yeah and…"

"She told me that she disowned me because she's having a new baby with her old ass husband! I should sue her!"

"That would be dramatic and that sucks… Why don't you come down from there?"

"I don't want to."

"Suit yourself. Eliza, I know this is all hard for you but we are your family."

"I know, but you're all boys. If I come down there dad won't let me drink beer, and I definitely don't want to hear about you guys' sex lives. I heard enough about yours today."

"Well… sorry about that… Come on down. We're not your mom, and yes our tree is decorated with green lights, black tinsel and a nightmare before Christmas doll… but Christmas is for family and you are a part of this family. Don't make me pull you off that shelf."

"Fine."

She climbed down like a little Koala bear or something and I guided her down the steps by her shoulders. My dad looked surprised to see me pulling her out and into the man circle, but he didn't say anything.

"Dad, can I have a beer too?"

"No… Get a coke and deal with it."

"Aw man."

The conversation resumed but instead of guy stuff we talked about memories. Memories of injury and other embarrassing moments. Everyone laughed and dare I say, it was a mundane family moment… Sheesh.. But I guess we can't be different in every category huh?

When all the beers (and cokes) were gone and everyone was so tired they could barely keep their eyes open, they retired to bed. I, on the other hand had to check on my Clare. She seemed really upset. She hadn't texted me or anything but… still.

I climbed the tree, and I was surprised to find the window had a note on it. _Eli the window is open, stay the night please? I need you to hold me._ I climbed in the window and Clare was sitting on the other side of her bed wearing nothing but panties. I could only see her from behind though… She slipped on a night shirt and turned around, not looking surprised. She was crying. I hugged her.

"Clare what happened?"

"My dad came here… Drunk. I don't know how he found this place but he did. He said…"

"What Clare?"

"Eli, he said that he'd been cheating on my mom since the day I was born. Literally…he's been having an affair with the nurse who helped deliver me and she moved to the states, that's why he went there."

"That sucks…"

"That's not the worst part. He said that he never wanted me. I was a mistake and he can't believe my mother had me because he told her to abort me. He said I was just her last feeble attempt to try to keep him there. Then he called Darcy a disgrace and a whore. He said she was the only child he wanted and she couldn't even manage to keep up with her damn drink to avoid getting raped at that party…"  
"He's gone?"

"He's in jail... didn't you see?"

"No… What happened?"

"He punched my mom in the face for defending us. He's in jail."

"Clare I'm so sorry this happened to you."

"This is the worst Christmas ever! First I was depressed because he wasn't here and things weren't like they used to be, now I wish he'd never come tonight! Eli... I wish… I don't know what I wish. I don't know what I think. He really told my mom to abort me."

"He's a fucking idiot! I for one would be really pissed off if there was never a Clare Edwards to meet, fall in love with and hold tight like I'm going now."

"I love you Eli."

"I love you too Clare…"

It started to snow again… Great, now I'll have to de-ice Morty in the morning. I kissed Clare on the forehead and I waited until she drifted off the sleep. I knew when she was asleep because she twitched. I went to sleep then.

The next morning I snuck out her window before he mom could catch us. I left her a little note of my own… _Clare, I hope today goes better for you. I remember you saying that Christmas was your favorite holiday; I hope it remains that way. If you want to spend Christmas with me my door is always open, I mean it would only be awesome as hell to spend Christmas with you. I love you Clare and your dad is still a fidiot (fucking idiot)… Call me or I'll call you._

After I wrote the note, I made a narrow escape because just as I closed the window, Clare's mom opened the door to wake Clare. I managed to make it back over to my place, but I took the front door. Everybody in my house was already asleep, probably because my dad Christmas shopped for food two days ago. So, I went upstairs and into my room then I pulled off my pants and shirt jumping into bed with only my boxers. This is the way men sleep… So I did, I went to sleep…

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	11. Chapter 11

Clare

New Years and things are sort of getting back to normal. My mom decided not to press charges against my dad; he's gone back to the states. Darcy is only sticking around another week before she goes back to Africa and all my relatives have finally stopped calling every day. Their concern is appreciated, but it gets annoying having to answer the phone all the time.

I put the finishing touches on my look and I went downstairs. My mom was having a girl's night in with her friends. I kissed her goodbye. She didn't give me a curfew, so I'll assume there isn't one. Eli and I have a date tonight and he guaranteed me that is would be one hundred and ten percent fun and adventure. Like every other date of ours isn't? Eli is the definition of fun and adventure…I went over to the Goldsworthy household. I knocked on the door, Tommy answered.

"Clare, Clare, Clare… Don't you look hot? Come on in. Eli's uh… strangling Eliza or something… she wore his favorite pair of jeans without asking."

"They wear the same size?"

"You would be surprised Clare. She borrows his clothes all the time... Don't know why he's all angry right now. So uh, is he acting right? Making you happy?"

"Yeah."

"That's good… Just making sure."

It was awkward sitting in the living room with the "older Goldsworthy"… He wasn't being mean or forward, I guess the silence makes everything awkward though. I waited downstairs for five minutes until Eliza ran down the stairs wearing the jeans, oh… those jeans… She hid behind the couch. Eli came down in his boxers, holding a piggy bank full of change…

"Eli… what are you doing?"

"Shhh… Clare you'll scare her away. I know she's here and she's going to give me my damn pants back."

"Eli, you have other pants."

"But these are my favorites! Stealing a man's pants is like stealing his car. You don't do that."

"Oh okay…"

He looked behind the couch and Eliza made her escape, creeping back up the stairs, except she knocked over the remote. Eli looked and then the fight was on. They went back up the steps and it literally sounds like a gang of dogs, cats and elephants fighting and rioting. After five minutes of the noise Tommy got up and intervened. Ten minutes later Eli came down wearing his pants and Eliza was putting money into her purse. I guess things are all worked out?

Eli grabbed me by the hand and pulled me up from the couch. He kissed me on the cheek and sniffed me. That was a new one, but I can't say I didn't enjoy being er… sniffed. We went out to Morty. Eli held the door and closed it for me. Wow, so I get the princess treatment tonight?

"Sorry you had to see that…"

"It's okay; I'm so used to seeing guys try to kill their younger sisters with coin filled piggy banks."

"I needed a blunt object and it just happened to be there, and blunt."

"I'm sure… It was funny though. I was entertained."

"That's why I love you Clare. You laugh at things other people would spaz out about."

"That's the reason you love me?"

"Well, part of the reason spazzy… Chill out."

"Whatever, where are we going?"

"You, my dear… will have to wait and see."

"Eli… you know I hate surprises."

"I always surprise you."

"I know…"

"You love it, admit it."

"Smartass."

I sat back and enjoyed the ride. I had no idea where we were going… For all I know Eli could be taking me to Zeus' swinging New Year's Eve party on mount Olympus… while I pondered about all the places we could possibly be going, I absent mindedly fiddled with the necklace he got me, dead giveaway that I was thinking too hard.

"Clare Edwards, relax your brain or it will explode!"

"Eli, I can't help it."

"You will never figure out where I'm taking you. You've never been here before."

"Oh, well… Just a hint."

"You'll love me for bringing you here. You'll ruin the fun and surprise if you keep on."

"Okay… Fine."

About forty minutes later, we pulled into a little off road trail… a path was made with gravel and worn in. There were trees all around. However, the graveled path led us to an open spot, it was a huge lake! The moon looked like I could reach out and grab it. The way it was reflecting in the water make grasping it look even more possible. It's beautiful!

Eli got out and walked around to open my door. He helped me out of the car and led me to the back of Morty where there was a small table, two chairs and a picnic basket. He put on some mood music and lit a candle that'd been bolted to the table. This was so sweet, this was perfect.

I stepped in and took one of the seats. He took the other. In addition to the picnic basket I noticed fireworks. Wow, Eli really put on the ritz. I found myself smiling foolishly because I re-realized how lucky I was to have him.

"Okay, now you have to eat the food even if it tastes horrible. I made it myself."

"God help us both."

"Now who's a smart ass?"

"Still you..."

"Ha ha."

Before he took the food out he set the alarm clock on his phone, I guess to midnight. Then he pulled out two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with apple slices and a six pack of cupcakes. I was worried for nothing…. He laughed at the relief in my face. Our junk food feast began romantically but ended with us smearing cake all over one another's faces while trying to feed each other. It was a truly fun moment, but I probably won't think so when I'm cleaning cake out of my eyebrows.

Just as the cleanup ended, Eli's phone chimed. He'd moved over to me during the cupcake war, so he pulled me close. I hugged him back. He looked me in the eyes and I got lost in his jungle green glare.

"Happy new year Clare."

"Happy new year Eli… Now kiss me."

"Don't have to tell me twice."

He kissed me, passionately, gently and perfectly. He grabbed my hand, locking our fingers and he pulled me even closer to him. I ran my fingers through his hair and he started to explore my body with his hands… He started with the buttons on my shirt, first looking to me for approval. I nodded my head, giving him the green light and he undone the buttons, carefully… kissing the newly exposed flesh as he went.

I wiggled out of my shoes while he done that. I managed to undo Eli's pants and start moving them down with my thighs. He stopped and started laughing. Not even just chuckling anymore, laughing… What the hell?

"Something funny?"

"It's just that… Clare I don't think I've ever seen you so impatient and aggressive… It's sexy, I'm just wondering how in the hell you are pulling my pants off with your thighs."

"Eli, I am impatient because… I don't know. I just want this. It's been so long…"

"Yeah, what a month now… And you're the one burning in lust."

"Goldsworthy just shut up… Stop thinking and fuck me… mercilessly."

I don't know what happened to me! I don't know where those words came from and I don't know why I said them. Suddenly I just wanted to be delt with. Eli must have been surprised too because his jaw dropped in shock. If only he knew I was as taken aback as he was. However, the trauma of my words didn't last long because he was soon undressing me with one hand, and undressing himself with the other. Before I could give myself time to wonder again what in the hell I'd gotten myself into…. Eli and I started having the hottest sex we've ever had together.

He didn't hold back like he usually did, but he wasn't trying to hurt me either. It was harder, faster, and deeper than I've ever felt it before… deeper than I've ever felt him before. The sound of our moans filled the small space of the hearse. That and the sound of our exposed skin making contact with each pleasure inducing thrust. The pressure soon started to rise, until finally I erupted. It was like I was having chills during a hot flash. My body was buzzing and my skin was sensitive to the touch. Eli soon followed me and erupted himself; he collapsed on top of me and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him too and we laid there naked, breathless and utterly satisfied.

When we regained our strength we redressed. He opened up the hatch and we got out of the back. He grabbed the fireworks and we walked to the lake. He set the fireworks off. They were beautiful. What was an even more beautiful sight was seeing how Eli's face lit up. He looked like a child in a toy store.

After the fireworks we sat on a picnic table and watched the moon's reflection on the water. We talked about what happened tonight, what's been happening in both our houses lately and we even had a Twilight debate… Well, not so much as a debate as it was an argument. He says Jasper should have gotten to Bella, and I of course disagree… In the end we decided to agree to disagree…

A few minutes later my mom called and said I should come home. The party was over, so Eli and I got into the car and he started on the ride home… He made sure to drive extra slow though… I cuddled up to him and put my head on his shoulder. It didn't seem to affect his driving…I eventually fell asleep like that and when I woke up we were in my driveway. I yawned and stretched.

"Well my lady, we are at your place. See you tomorrow?"

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't… I have plans with the girls."

"Yeah yeah… I love you Ms. Edwards."

"I uh, love you too Mr. Goldsworthy."

He didn't let me get out of the car without taking my breath away with one of his awesome kisses. The blood rushed to my cheeks and I got that goofy smile on my face. Words wouldn't come to my mouth or mind, so I just smiled and waved. He chuckled and gave me the smarty pants smirk of his while I got out.

He waited until I was in the house before he drove next door to his place. When I got into the house it was completely dark and my mother was lying in the middle of the floor. I ran over to her. What's wrong with her? I shook her and she looked up at me drowsily before she….threw up on the floor.

"Hi Clare honey… I'm sorry I…"

"Mom it's okay, let's just get you cleaned up aye?"

"I'm your fucking mother! You shouldn't… You're such a good daughter….I'm not even mad that you're having sex with the emo guy next door…"

"Mom… you're a good mom…The best."

I helped her up the stairs and got her cleaned up. I helped her change into her night clothes and I tucked her in, on her stomach with a wastebasket beside the bed. When I was sure she would be okay I went to my own room.

I showered and put on my favorite night shirt. Once back in my room I laid in the bed, that's when Darcy came crashing through my door, still wearing the clothes from her night out with Peter. She didn't seem too sober either, but I wasn't going to call her on it. I'm too tired.

"Hi little sis… have fun with Eli?"

"Yeah. You have a good time with Peter?"

"The best! Sometimes I miss him so much… Can I sleep with you?"

"Sure."

I scooted over to make room for her. She stole one of my night gowns and put it on then she jumped into my bed. She started fiddling with my hair; she's always liked to do that. I don't really mind much…

"Clare, our family is broken…"

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"I can't get over dad just leaving… Then coming back and acting that way."

"Yeah, he hit mom… I think she's having a hard time with that. Of course she is… She really loved dad. She tried so hard. I watched her try and he was just so… distant and mean."

"Well, at least we still have each other. Was there really a knife at Degrassi a few months ago?"

"Yeah… Eli and this guy had a stupid beef gone too far, they bullied each other… Eli got fed up, poisoned the guy and the dude pulled a knife on him. I don't think I've ever been so scared, I thought he got stabbed."

"You saw it all?"

"Yeah…"

"Wow…"

I put her up on the latest gossip and she told me about her new life. We had a sisterly chat, and even though we were both too tired to pronounce our words… we talked until nearly dawn. I realized that Darcy was right, we don't have dad anymore but have each other… Just me, her and mom.

**Reviews please? Thanks guys!**


	12. Chapter 12

Eliza

"Oh my god! All your underwear is black! You surely cannot be a virgin…"

"Alli, I am just deal with it. I don't think I've even watched porn before…"

"Wow, my nickname used to be Saint Clare and even I've uh…watched porn. This is shocking considering the fact that you're a Goldsworthy."

"I've just been busy the past fifteen years."

"Doing what?"

"Living life… Fighting crime. Saving the world… No but seriously, I know nothing."

"Well Eliza don't worry Clare and I will tell you all we know."

"Wait, you are talking about sex and not baking this time right?"

"Yes Clare I'm talking about sex. It's Valentine's Day and I want to take things to a new level with Fitz."

"You know you don't have to have sex with him… you two could just make out. Once it's gone you can't get it back. Trust me I know… gosh I wish I'd never had sex with Johnny DiMarco. The worst experience ever."

"Well, I really like Fitz."

"That's not enough. I loved Eli before I, we… you know…"

"Before she and Eli made mad passionate love in his hearse with him going down…"

"Ahhhh! That is gross my ears are about to fall off. Now the image is in my head! Thanks a lot Alli."

"Ha ha!"

Girl's night has been um… helpful. It's become something we do every Thursday night while Eli and Adam have guy night over at the Torres residence. Tonight, I decided to share my decision with Alli and Clare. Alli was shocked that I was still a virgin. Clare just wanted me to make sure I was making the right decision. I think I might be… But now that she's mentioned the whole "love" thing I'm not sure. Do I really love Fitz or do I just really like him?

I think I just really like him. I mean there's still so much to learn about him. Then there's the whole trust issue. So far he hasn't done anything to make me question whether or not I can trust him but… sometimes the way he looks at other girls when he thinks I'm not paying any attention makes me wonder. I don't say anything because well… I don't know. I just stay mum.

Alli passed around a wine cooler she'd gotten from somewhere. It tasted like strawberries. When it was all gone, none of us were even intoxicated enough to be buzzed but we were all laughing over nothing. I guess it was happy juice then?

All laughing stopped though when I got a knock at my window. It was Fitz. He was standing on the roof beside my window. He was shivering and bleeding... I opened the window and let him in. He jumped in and nearly fell. The blood was coming from his head.

"Oh my god."

"Alli, let's go raid the Goldsworthy fridge, I know where their dad hides the sweets."

"Yeah…okay..."

"Can I crash here for the night?"

"Yeah of course. Fitz what happened?"

"You don't want to know…"

"You should go to a hospital."

"No…"

"Your head is bleeding."

"It's not the first time. Guess that's why I'm so stupid eh? Ha."

"I'm not laughing and you shouldn't be either. You're hurt and you probably have a concussion!"

"Even if I did agree to go to the hospital how would I get there?"

I got my phone and called the only person I knew of with a car. Eli… I hated to bust up guys night but this is life or death… well sort of. The phone rang three times before he finally answered.

"Sis? What's up? Hey I'm at McDonalds, after that I'm heading home you gals want anything? I feel generous tonight.

"Jump out of the nugget line and come home! I need to go to the hospital!"

"Is everything okay?"

"Well… You'll see when you get here… Floor it."

"Fine."

Five minutes later the hearse pulled up in the front yard. Fitz was in the bathroom blowing chunks. Yeah, he's concussed alright. I managed to help him down the stairs… I'm surprised all the blundering didn't wake my father. That man sleeps like a log.

"Eliza what the hell is going on? Why do you need to go to the ho… Oh, it's for Fitz. What happened Fitzy boy? Meet his match"

"Emo boy fup you.."

"Eli, I think he has a concussion."

"Yeah, he just said fup me, so I think so too… put him in the hearse…"

"Thanks big bro. Clare, Alli, I sorry I…"

"Clare and I understand. Just um, call us with an update. We'll be trying on your clothes."

"Okay."

The wait at the hospital was short surprisingly. I was relieved that Fitz got back there to a room, but then I had to wait. I told Eli to go home. He didn't listen to me though… He just went to get nuggets from McDonalds before coming back. I guess I'm lucky to have a big brother like him as much as I hate to admit it…After two hours went by a nurse came out.

"Well, Mark Fitzgerald does have a minor concussion with some slight cracks in his skull as well as a few cracked ribs, two dislocated fingers and some minor cuts and bruises. He should be released in two days if the doctor sees fit… May I ask your relation to Mr. Fitzgerald?"

"He's my boyfriend. Oh, I'm Eliza Goldsworthy."

"Ms. Goldsworthy may I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure."

"Does Mark seem to have injuries all the time?"

"Yeah, he um… He's into MMA fighting, but usually it's just little stuff like a busted lip or a black eye."

"Has he been acting strange lately? Maybe a little jumpy or defensive?"

"No, not until tonight…"

"So tonight is the first night you've witnessed him being injured to this degree?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Has he mentioned anything to you about maybe a bully or parental disagreements?"

"No parental disagreements, he and his mom get along great and I don't think she could do this anyway. His dad is in jail I think. As far as bullies go… Fitz is not really the type to be bullied"

"Do you know his father's name?"

"No… sorry."

"Ms. Goldsworthy thank you for answering those questions for me. You can go see Mark if you'd like."

Eli decided to stay in the waiting area. I went to the back and Fitz was stretched out on the hospital bed. He looked so tiny, for the first time ever. He looked small and vulnerable. He looked sick and unhealthy. I don't like it one bit but what can I do?

I sat in the chair beside the bed and he turned to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and they had sacks under them. What could I say? I didn't know what to say… Do I fuss at him for holding dangerous secrets, do I… hell I don't know what to do right now. This is horrible.

"I knew you'd be back here."

"Fitz, shut up and talk…"

"What do you mean?"

"The nurses told me about all your other injuries and she quizzed me, kind of like she's making a file for social services to take a look at."

"Shit! The courts said if anything comes up that makes them question my mother's parenting again they'd have me put in the system."

"Then talk! What happened? Did Mrs. F do this to you?"

"No, Mr. F did… My dad's out of jail."

"Does your mom know he hit you?"

"She was at work. I wanted to car to go see the fight they have every week at the training center… My dad freaked and started calling me lazy, worthless, no good… So I lashed out and he kicked my ass and broke a vase over my head."

"Tell the nurses or they might think your mom knew or something."

"Fine…buzz her…just promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Don't speak a word of this to anyone. This is embarrassing and I don't even want you knowing but you look like you're ready to beat it out of me and I can't defend myself right now."

"I promise."

"Oh and I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Ruining Valentine's day for you. I was on your roof peering into your window for at least ten minutes. I was half conscious against the window so I heard a lot of things… At first I thought I was dreaming but your voice sounded to real and I knew I was still awake. You were really going to let me go all the way?"

"I was thinking about it. I wasn't sure."

"Well, just so you know I wouldn't have let you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You actually mean something to me and I think it's cool how you don't flip out when you catch me looking at other girl's butts… Not that their butts are better than yours… I just can't help it."

"Oh Fitz I think I might love you a little…"

"Well I think I love you a little more than you love me…Now go home and get some rest. You have school tomorrow."

"Okay."

I leaned down to give him a hug and he caught my lips in a kiss. It was more like a peck, but still. When I leaned up I blushed and he gave me a cocky smile. I told him goodbye and I left…. When I got back to the waiting room Eli was lying across the chairs asleep. I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Eli…wake up?"

"what.. I told you to kill all of those damn Emu and their families too!"

"Eli! Wake up!"

He jumped and then opened his eyes. He sat up, stretched and rubbed his eyes. I just burst into laughter. He looked confused and dazed already from him being asleep… I laughed so hard that tears came out of my eyes.

"What's so funny?"

"You sleep talking about Emu."

"Oh… tell anyone especially Clare and you are a dead woman."

"I swear… I won't tell. Maybe…"

"How's Fitz?"

"He's Fitz. He'll be back to doing what he does in no time."

"He give you the story the nurses wanted? I noticed that the questions sounded a little…"

"I'm taking that information to the grave."

"Understood."

The ride home was quiet and Eli was almost like a zombie driving. I guess I can't blame him though, it is late and it's a school night. Dawn is only a few hours away… When I got to my room I saw that Alli and Clare were still awake and on the computer. They looked at me and all giggling stopped. It was replaced with a look of concern.

"How's Fitz?"

"He'll be okay. He's going to be in the hospital for two days."

"Oh, well it's good that he's going to be okay."

"That will sure put a damper on your cupid day sexing though"

"Alli geez is that all you think about? I have a feeling Fitz and I wouldn't have done it anyway. We have time for that."

"Well, I'm glad you've made a decision you feel comfortable with. Speaking of boyfriends..."

"Eli is dead… well not really but he was sleeping so hard in the waiting room that he started talking in his sleep about some kind of mass Emu murder. Don't let him know I told you know…"

"Your secret is safe with me."

When I filled them in on everything I changed back into my fluffy pajamas and luckily we all fit across my bed. The sleep was deep and somewhat comfortable but it ended too quick. The alarm clock chimed and suddenly I was the one feeling like a zombie. Clare and Alli volunteered to shower at her house since Eli was trying to become a fish by taking an hour long shower. When he came out he looked somewhat renewed but he looked angry… He gave me the stink eye and then he told me his grievance.

"You told her…"

"What?"

"You told Clare about the Emu."

"Oh, yeah… I did… At the hospital I said maybe I won't tell."

"You are ridiculous and that's why you will have to take a speed shower… Unless you want to get left."

"You wouldn't…"

"Won't I?"

I went into the shower and bathed as fast as I could, even though the hot steamy water tempted me to stay forever, I made record speed in getting out. After I got dressed I was only able to throw my hair into a neat ponytail and do all the other "good hygiene" stuff before my dad was calling up the stairs. I started moving faster is humanly possible but it was too late….I walked down the stairs and my dad was getting his things to leave for work.

"You missed your brother and I have to get to a school bus that's broken down so it looks like you're walking today."

"Oh great."

My dad left and told me to lock up after I ate breakfast… I had a better idea. What if I never leave the house? What if I play hooky? I might just do that… well at least I was until I read the text from Eli… _Ha ha you have to walk! Don't even think about playing hooky or dad will get a mysterious call from the school._

I take that back. Eli is the worst big brother ever! Geez, a girl can't even play hooky from school without being ratted out. I guess I did get myself into this hot water but it's worth it. That was funny as hell. Eli must be twisted to talk about Emu murder even in his sleep…

I started on the long walk to school. Well, not so long but it is cold and I'm wearing a skirt. The icy wind tore at my legs making it feel like razors were being chunked at them. I have never been so glad to see Degrassi in my life! I ran into the school and cheerfully through the metal detectors and then finally to my locker. As soon as I started putting in the combo Bianca came up to me she had a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear and bag of Hershey's cookies and crème fun size candies. All of it was inside one of those heart shaped decorative bags…

"Fitz sent this to you… He made me go to his house and get it. He says he wishes he could be here and… well you will read it in the card."

"Thanks Bianca."

I took the gifts and got my books out of the locker. I looked at the little teddy bear; it was dressed like me… Awww! I looked in the bag and got the card out… There was a bunny on front and when I opened it three pieces of folded up notebook paper fell out.

_Eliza, first, let you friends read this and you're dead… Just kidding… But I have a reputation to upkeep. Well, here goes. You're the first girl to ever make me feel something. With every other girl I've just blown through the relationships only trying to get as much satisfaction as I could before I discarded them like used napkins… But with you, it's not like that. I want to wait for you… even if it takes until we're both old and wrinkled I want you to be ready our first time because I want you to think about it and smile, even twenty years into the future… I want you to smile when you think about me period. I know you had your doubts about us, especially with what happened between me and your brother before you came along… But I want you to know that you don't have to doubt the fact that I adore you. You make me want to be a better person... I wish I could see your face while you looked at the teddy bear dressed like you, and I wish I could receive all the hugs and kisses you'll want to give to me after receiving my awesome gift but I'm here in this hospital bed. I just want you to know that I care about you a lot. I love you… Happy Valentine's Day._

I smiled as I tucked the letters back into the card and put them in the bag. This was the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me… school went quickly, probably because I missed half of it. When I got back home I baked cupcakes and wrote a letter of my own for Fitz, and I made nice with Eli because I would need to bum a ride off him later.

I changed into skinny jeans and a red corset. I flat ironed and then curled my hair into soft spiraled tendrils. I slipped on a sweater over the corset and then I got my own Valentine's Day gift… the cupcakes I made! Eli was kind enough to drop me off at the hospital on the way to him and Clare's date destination.

I walked into the room and his mom was there. She hugged me and we made small talk. She then decided to give us some time to be alone and talk. She looked sad, but... her son is in the hospital.

"Those for me?"

"Maybe… I loved the gift and especially the letter."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"I meant every word."

"I know."

"I wrote you a letter."

"Can I read it?"

"It's yours…"

I handed him the cupcakes and the letter…

_Dear Fitz, your friends can't read so I know they won't be reading this… Just kidding… when I first met you I really wasn't sure about you. I didn't know whether being with you would be betrayal or not. Luckily you and my brother were able to bury the hatchet and get along for me at least. You're the first guy I've ever been in a relationship with. You were my first kiss… I don't know how things are supposed to go but I know that I feel strongly for you. I think about you day and night and I do smile when I'm thinking about you. You accept me for who I am, bipolar disorder and all and I thank you for that… I was scared that I was going to lose you last night. I never want to feel that way again…So please be safe for my sanity's sake? I wish that you could get up and hug me, then kiss me like you usually do but you should rest right now. I just want to part with saying this… I love you too… At least A little bit I know for sure. Happy Valentine's Day Fitz._

He motioned for me to come to him after reading the letter. I did and he kissed me. This isn't the Valentine's Day I planned, but it wasn't bad and I'll remember it forever for sure….

**Reviews please guys and thanks in advance!**


	13. Chapter 13

Clare

I don't know what happened to me. The moment the palm of my hand touched Eli's face I knew I needed to calm down. He grabbed his cheek and scrunched his brows before shooting me that gorgeous smirk of his.

"Clare, you smacked me."

"Eli… I'm sorry! I guess I'm just overreacting. The condom broke!"

"Yeah I know… I knew something felt weird."

"Eli!"

"Okay Clare. What I need you to do is stop freaking out. We'll just go to the twenty four hour drugstore after we eat and get you some Plan B…."

"That's a good idea… Why didn't I think of that? Okay.. Okay…. Wait… Where in the heck are my underwear! I can't find them!"

"Clare they are hanging on the back of the seat…"

"Oh. Thanks. Sorry again for smacking you."

"It's okay. I kind of liked it, seeing you that mad was sexy. I'd probably try for another round but you don't seem like you'd fall for that."

"Yeah, you're probably right… Maybe another time though."

I made Eli get me the morning after pill before we went to eat and I took it with the coke I ordered at the Italian restaurant. Now that the crisis was averted, it's back to enjoying our first Valentine 's Day together. This night has been good so far. Dropping off Eliza, going to some little shaded parking area Eli stumbled upon. Having even more mind-blowing sex… Awesomeness.

I ordered Shrimp Scampi while Eli got the family platter with lasagna, spaghetti with meatballs and some kind of buttered shrimp crusted in crab meat. What can I say? He's a guy and guys eat like it's their last supper. The only issue I have with it is that he had so much more food than me, yet he finished before I could eat even half my meal. What am I going to do with him?

"Clare… If we did get pregnant… What would you have done with the baby?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready to be a mom but I can't see myself just giving the baby away…"

"Abortion?"

"I don't know…"

"It would totally suck if you did… I just want you to know that if you did get pregnant I would be there for you. All nine months of the way and all eighteen years after that… I would never leave you."

"Eli, that's decent… We're just speaking hypothetically though. You don't know how you'd really react."

"That's what would happen… My dad raised his kids, my grandpa raised his, and my great grandpa raised his children. Now that I think about it… I come from a long line of single fathers."

"Well if it's any constellation I wouldn't leave you alone to raise our kid Eli."

"Thanks Clare I appreciate that."

We talked about babies and parenting and all these crazy scenarios. It made me realize how close I came to changing my life completely and if I don't take this next dose, then my life might still change forever. A baby...Would it have Eli's eyes and my golden curls? His beautifully crooked lips with my attitude? Or would it have Eli's dark tresses with my blue eyes and his stubbornness with a sense of adventure? Would I want to call is Elijah Jr. if it's a boy? So many thoughts bombarded my mind.

"Where's your mom Eli?"

"Florida."

"Really now? I don't know why I assumed she was dead."

"She left when I was really young. I see her once a year during the summer and she sends me postcards randomly and for the holidays."

"Do you ever wish she was there for you life?"

"Not really. I mean she's cool but I probably would have gone crazy considering the fact that all her and my dad done was fight. I've heard that she was the cause for my dad's first tattoo sleeve because she pulled a knife on him and cut him from shoulder to wrist leaving a huge ass scar so he got his first sleeve to cover it up."

"That is crazy!"

Eli's history is interesting if not anything else. His mom seems like a really er… outgoing person? We topped off the date with some a walnut brownie sundae. It was shaped like a heart! We then took turns feeding each other. This was fun, I will admit it… But I still can't believe we had unprotected sex tonight. I feel like such a bad girl…

We left the restaurant and went back to Eli's car. He drove to the park where we just sat. I apologized for slapping him. He laughed again. I really don't know what came over me… I guess I flipped out in a major way. He held me in his arms and whispered love poems by Percy Bysshe Shelley in my ear. I think I'm in love… Eli was reciting _Love_ to me when my mother called.

"Clare, you need to get home now."

"Okay mom."

"Okay mom? Yes ma'am."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Yes…"

"Okay… "

I ended the call and plopped back against the seat. I exhaled roughly and I turned my head to look at Eli. He didn't say anything, he just got a disappointed look on his face and he put the keys in the ignition. We picked up Eliza. She was happier than one human should ever be. She was about to explode. I guess I can't complain. I was like that thirty minutes ago. When Eli pulled up in my driveway I kissed him goodbye while Eliza made gagging sounds. I went to the door and it was unlocked. What the hell?

"Mom."

"Clare get your ass in here."

"What's wrong?"

She had a whiskey bottle in her hands. There was less than a sip left. She also had my diary in her hands. Something is off about this… She has little scratches all over her face and she's not crying. What's happened?

"Clare so you're a fucking whore now? Huh, is that it you little fucking whore! You just couldn't keep your damn legs shut! You had to go and let that damn Goth boy stick his dick in you huh?"

"Mom that is my personal business. I'm not doing anything wrong."

"You're a whore… I waited!"

"And look where you are… You got slapped on Christmas Eve by the bastard you waited for… He left you penniless and down in the spirits… Look where waiting has gotten you!"

She started crying. I realized what I'd said. I went to try and console her but things went awry. She hit me with the whiskey bottle on the side of my face. It broke. I felt the shards of glass slice across my skin. The blood started to drip down my face.

"Mom what the fuck it wrong with you?"

"You're not pure anymore. You are scarred and dirty and ugly inside so now your outsides need to match your inside."

She punched me in the face. My nose hurt and blood dripped down steadily. My lip was slightly busted. I decided I needed to run. I went upstairs and into my bedroom. I locked the door and pushed the dresser in front of it. I pulled out my cell phone.

"Clare? Is everything okay? I heard yelling at your house."

"Eli, my mom is gone crazy! Please help me… I'm sneaking out of my bedroom window."

"Okay."

I got only the things I couldn't live without and then I was out. I opened the window. Eli was there. He took my bags. I jumped onto the tree and I climbed down. Eli and I ran through my backyard to the Goldsworthy residence where I all but collapsed on the front porch.

"Clare your face… You're hurt badly."

"She broke a bottle over… The side of my face."

"We've got to get you to the hospital.. There's still glass in the cut."

He put my bags in the house and he took me to the hospital. It was crowded tonight. Imagine that. Luckily though, things were going quickly. When I saw a doctor they checked me out. I only had superficial injuries. They patched up the gash made on my face by the bottle and they stopped my nose from bleeding. Luckily they gave me some numbing cream for my face too. It was starting to hurt.

Nothing hurt more than my mom's words though. I've never heard her be that cruel to anyone, not even dad and he was the one who hurt her the most. I cannot believe it, she called me a whore and dirty…

"So, what happened?"  
"My mother read my diary and found out that we have been having sex. She called me a dirty whore and some other names… I told her that waiting didn't get her in a good place and she hit me in the side of the face with the bottle, she punched me in the face and then I ran upstairs and called you. Eli, I don't know what to do… I have nowhere to go!"

I started to cry. He held me and rocked me until my sobbing got to its minimum. This was comforting but it didn't stop me from worrying, it only stopped me from crying. He rocked with me until I stopped hyperventilating.

"Clare, you do have a place to go. Don't worry about that."

"Eli I couldn't stay with you guys. I'd be free-loading."

"Edwards you wouldn't be free-loading okay? Just don't worry about where you'll lay your head at night…"

"Thanks Eli."

We went back to his place and Mr. Goldsworthy was sitting in the living room. I greeted him, I was ashamed however that it couldn't be with a smile. He didn't seem offended though. He just said hello. Eli led me to the couch to sit.

"Clare, your mom is in jail…"

"What?"

"She tried to set the kitchen on fire in your house. She might get put away for arson and if they see your face then… assault on a minor."

"No I can't press charges on my mom."

"I understand. You're a good kid, that's why I'm gonna let you stay here. I won't say temporarily because only god knows how long this will go on… I won't say forever because things might get better. Just know you're welcome here Clare… In Eliza's room though."

I broke down crying. This kindness just bought more tears out of me. Maybe it was all the craziness of the night. Now I'm staying with Eli and my mom is locked away… When did life become so crazy and complicated? When did things suddenly go down the crapper? I decided to call Darcy.

"Clare? What's up?"  
"Mom is in jail… She broke a bottle over my face and punched me."

"Oh my goodness Clare! Who called the police?"

"I don't know.. One of the neighbors. I had to get stitches to my face and while I was at the hospital she tried to burn the house down. She got so mad because she read my diary and found about Eli and I making love."

"This is fucking crazy! Clare honey are you okay?"

"I don't know."

"Where are you staying?"

"At the Goldsworthy's… Mr. Goldsworthy is a really nice guy to take me in."

"Clare… I guess I'm moving back home. It will take a few weeks to get the paperwork through but… I need to be there right now for you, for mom… I love you little sister."

"Love you too Darc."

I hung up and went into Eliza's room. She was nowhere to be found. I heard talking though. I went to the closet and opened it. She was on the top shelf of the closet, how in the hell did she get up there?

"Come down here cat woman… We need to talk."

"Clare… Hey honey.. Bianca I will talk to you later. Bye…. Clare what happened to your beautiful angelic face? Who done this to you?"

"My mom…"  
"Oh honey I'm sorry…"'

"Your dad is nice and he agreed to let me stay here… I'll be rooming with you."

"Awesome! Are you okay?"

"No. I think right now I just need to shower and go to bed."

"Okay…I will blow up an air mattress and make your bed. You should probably go and get that blood off you."

"Thanks."

I let the hot water pour down on me. All that came off me was red. Geez, I didn't know this cut bled that much. Then again I was partially in shock. I put on my fluffiest pajamas… Well the only fluffy pair I could grab and I went to Eliza's room. There was an air mattress with a million blankets and pillows, a teddy bear and a cupcake on top.

"Hi, I hope you like the set up. I tried to make it home-y."

"Yeah because I put cupcakes on my pillow every night."

"Well I figured you could use something sweet and comforting. Oh and if you need to talk I'm right up here."

"Okay. Eliza…"  
"Yeah?"

"Thanks for this…"

"No problem Clare… You're my friend and we'll probably be related one day. Oh yeah Eli told me to tell you that he was going to come in to say goodnight in ten minutes."

"Okay, why did you need to tell me that?"

"He told me to. I guess you should be decent or something."

"Right…"

Eli strolled into the room as if on cue wearing black pajamas with little dancing peppers on them. He hugged me and asked me if I was okay. I assured him that I was and then he kissed me goodnight before basically tucking me in and turning out the light, even though Eliza turned it back on. I decided to try and get some good news…

"How is Fitz?"

"Wonderful. Clare I think I love him."

"You think?"

"Well I do. You know what I mean. He's so sweet… He said he wouldn't have let me have sex with him if I'd tried tonight if he wasn't hurt."

"That's actually decent of him."

"I know. It's like I know he's a bully. I see him knocking over Wesley's notebooks and slamming Dave into lockers but when he's with me he's like a tamed puppy. He's adorable and happy and you just want to rub his belly…"

"What?"

"You know what I mean… He does a three sixty. I just… Sometimes I think I will wake up and Fitz will have never loved me and I'll just be alone again."

"Well you're awake and Fitz does love you…"

"Yeah… well Clare go to bed. You need it."

"Thanks. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Clare Edwards-Goldsworthy…"

Kind of has a ring to it huh?

**Reviews please guys? Thanks a ya!**


	14. Chapter 14

Clare

I moved the last of my clothes back into my old room. Everything seemed right again, well in terms of living conditions at least. Darcy moved back from Africa. My mom is still in jail… Luckily, the house is paid for and my dad feels so bad about what he done and said that he's agreed to pay for the utilities and groceries… Also he's paying for the cosmetic surgery to get rid of the hideous scar on my face. Though I still haven't completely forgiven my father, having one parent halfway in the picture is better than having both out, even though I'm technically an adult… I decided to get myself emancipated. Everyone thought it was a good idea and seeing that I got my paperwork back today… I'm a free woman. Sort of…

I thanked Mr. Goldsworthy, Eli and Eliza again for letting me stay with them. Eli kissed me on the cheek while Eliza just waved. Mr. Goldsworthy gave me a big bear hug. Ya know, for a family of Emo/ punk rockers they sure are warm and fuzzy at times, but that's why you have to love them.

I packed the clothes away and then I went downstairs where Darcy and Peter were watching TV. I can see he'll be over a lot now that she's back. It's almost as if the two were never separated by the seas… They just snapped back together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Some couples are just meant to be.

"Clare, will you be okay tonight? Peter has tickets to this concert and he got me one… But if you don't want to spend the night alone I can totally skip it."

"Darcy I'll be fine. Go be young with Peter."

"Thanks Clare. You uh, got any plans with Eli?"

"No, he's having a night to himself…. It's kind of a personal thing for him."

"Oh, I hope everything is okay."

It's the anniversary of Julia's death… Eli hasn't really been himself all day. Though he hasn't been pushing me away I can tell that right now I'm not the one that's on his mind, and that is okay. I understood it when he said he just needed to be alone… I didn't actually see or hear him but I know he was crying this morning. I could tell by how swollen his eyes were and how red and raw his skin looked. I wish I could reach out and grab him, but I know that there's nothing I can do. There are some wounds only time can heal. I'm just glad that I'm not in his place right now, mourning over someone I'd given my heart to… Sometimes I still think about how close the knife came to him…

Eli

I know it's wrong to think of what could have been with Julia, especially when I have Clare and she's so perfect… I just can't help it. It happened today. The waiting at the hospital, the bad news, her mother collapsing to the floor in shock and grief. Sometimes even just the memory of it puts a weight on my chest so heavy that I welcome and seek death, but for some reason I just can't do it… I can't kill myself.

I went to the place where Julia was buried. I had her favorite flowers, Sunflowers in hand. Her parents were there too. Her mother wiping away tears and sniffling. Her father just looked down at the tombstone with a frown, he was fighting back tears. I stepped on a twig and they both looked my way.

"Eli, hello."

"Hello Mr. H , Mrs. H."

"Thank you for coming."

"How could I not. It was today at exactly this time when the car…"

"Eli, you're not still blaming yourself are you?"

"It was my fault Mrs. H… I said some nasty things to her… I shouldn't have."

"All couples have nasty fights. You didn't push her into the road son, and you didn't press the gas. It was fate."

"I know…"

"Well Eli, it was nice seeing you. We must be going now. Justin has a recital."

"How is he? He's ten now right? I remember Julie taught him how to play Violin."

"Yes he's ten and he's wonderful. Julie would be pleased with his progress. Be well Eli."

"Thanks, you too. Bye."

They walked away from the gravesite. I kneeled down and placed the flowers on Julie's grave. At first I couldn't think of anything to say. I knew Julie was no stranger so why was I treating her like one? I started to talk to her.

"I can't believe it's been two years. We were supposed to be the next Sonny and Cher by now, remember? There's so much to tell you… I met someone, her name is Clare and I love her. She's really nice… But she won't replace you in my heart. Things have changed so much since you've been gone… Can you believe I go to Degrassi now? I know, especially after I swore I'd rather go to boot camp than there but being at our old school was too much. Passing by your empty locker, sitting beside your empty desk, not hearing your angelic voice on the intercom was just too much… I had to leave…. I hope you're happy wherever you are Julie… Know that I didn't mean anything I said before well… you know… I wish I'd taken it back and made you stay with me then you'd be up and about, going to your brother's recital today… Graduating with me next year. We'd live a full life together. I wonder if you can hear me... Can you believe Eliza lives with us now? Crazy right? I remember how you two would team up against me in arguments whenever she visited… I would be so mad because there was no arguing with you two… I miss you Julie, but I know you're gone. You're probably happy wherever you are. Don't forget about me… I love you."

Tears streamed down my cheeks as the noise from the city started to buzz in my ear again. I guess I forgot I was in public, crying in public… I don't care though. I don't care who sees my tears… Not even if it's… Fitz? He was sitting beside a tombstone just talking to it. Who'd he lose?

"Emo boy who's that?"

"She was my girlfriend…"

"Oh, what happened to her?"

"She got ran over by a car after an argument we had."

"That sucks."

"Who'd you lose?"

"My little brother… He died when he was seven, I was eight. We were getting into trouble and we almost got caught. We tried to jump a fence, it was high and he fell and broke his neck."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

I left without another word. I guess at least on some level now Fitz and I can relate. We've both lost people who are very close to our hearts. I got into my car and took a deep breath. I collected my thoughts and then I went back home. When I got there I just needed to go to sleep and so I did…

When I woke up I heard the sound of girls giggling. Is it really a sleepover night? I guess I shouldn't be surprised… that is what girls do. I would call Adam for a guy's night, but he's seeing someone… He won't tell me the lucky lady's name because he wants me to be surprised but, the rumor mill says it's Fiona Coyne. Hell it could be Bianca and I'd still be happy for Adam if he were happy. Now I'm all bored. My dad is having poker night with his buddies…

I wandered into the room where the girls were. It was like walking into a lion's den. Clare, Eliza, Jenna and Alli were all sitting in the floor. They looked at me, almost with daggers in their eyes. Eliza was the first to speak.

"Hey big bro… Want to join us? We're doing our nails and dishing on Degrassi's um…finest…"

"I'll pass."

"You look bored."

"Yeah… I am."

"Well my Fitzy bear isn't doing anything tonight… Maybe you two could hang out."

"No thanks."

"Eli…"

"Clare?"

"It might be a good idea. I mean you two do have something in common now… Your sister. It wouldn't kill you."

"No, the night itself would not but Fitz just might."

"Big bro he apologized, plus he's been doing a lot better… he's in therapy. I think if you two work on your relationship you might become friends. Do it for the baby!"

"What! What baby! Eliza no! You had sex with him and got pregnant! I can…"

"Ha got ya! I'm not pregnant, but Jenna is and your negative attitude about making new friends and burying hatchets could make the little tike squirmy…"

"Fine… call Fitzy boy up. Tell him to bring root beers and a stomach for classic gore."

"Yay!"

Within ten minutes I was opening the front door. Fitz was there with… real beers… Okay, he gets one cool point for that. I took them to the fridge and he made himself at home. The gore fest commenced.

"So emo boy drinks…"

"Like a fish."

"Bad habit."

"Good feeling."

"What are they doing up there?"

"Painting their nails and gossiping."

"And you weren't invited?"

"Just got a mani pedi…"

"Clare made you do this huh?"

"Yeah… She did… Eliza made you?"

"She sort of threatened to break it off with me if I didn't."

"Ouch. You have your hands full. Just wait until she has a bipolar episode. That'll be fun."

"Can't wait. So… Since we have to be civil… Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Is Saint Clare really not a saint anymore?"

"She's still a saint, just with a bit less…. Virtue"

"Wow, you nailed Saint Clare… I'm impressed. Another round, on me."

So this wasn't as bad as I thought. Fitz has decent taste in movies and beer. I will admit that I found out more than I wanted to about him and my sister but… he's not such a bad guy anymore. He's not on the buds list just yet though. Well he wasn't until we got drunk…

"Dude, no I'm... I'm sorry I tried to stab you! I wasn't thinking! I went to jail!"

"I know… dude but it was, my bat…ha...my bad... I didn't have to poison you!"

"Don't mention it! I would have (drunk hiccup) done the same thing!"

"Buddy!"

"Pal!"

Clare

I came down the stairs to a shocking sight. It was Eli and Fitz, surrounded by beers bottles, beer cans and shot glasses, engaging in a manly hug. I called Eliza down quickly. She couldn't believe her eyes either. After they let got they patted each on the back. Fitz grabbed his keys and staggered to the door.

"Well I gots to be getting home..."

"Na man… I ca (drunk hiccup) drive…"

Eli stumbled over the coffee table and fell, busting his lip on the floor. He was so drunk that he started laughing. I don't think I've ever seen him drunk before. I don't think I even knew Eli was a drinker.

"Eli, honey."

"Clare, baby, sweetie, my sugar, and my honey… what is…up, down all around?"

"Eli, you're too drunk to drive and Fitz so are you."

"What? Baby I am good, to, gooooo!"

"No, you aren't."

I wrestled the keys away from Eli while Eliza simply slipped the keys away from Fitz by trapping him in a kiss and a hug. Why didn't I think of that? Oh right, because this is Eli and he's insane. When I finally got the keys he acted like an angry five year old.

"But I gots to take Fitz home!"

"No, Eli!"

"I wanna go to McDonalds!"

"Tomorrow!"

"Claaaareee!"

"Fine, you and Fitz get in the damn car, I will drive."

"Yay!"

Eliza pulled me to the side while Eli and Fitz tried to give each other a drunken high five; they both missed and ended up on the floor. They weren't fit for the general public right now but… I have to do something to shut them up.

"Clare, can you drive?"

"No… but how hard can it be?"

"Harder than it looks… Look, you better let me have those keys… But you are coming with. Someone has to watch the twins."

"Fine…"

We got into Morty, putting Eli and Fitz in the middle. They were singing songs and then Christmas carols. Why couldn't things have been this easy in the beginning? I guess because there was no liquor involved. ..Eliza's driving skills were actually good, so she got us to Fitz's place safely.

"Bye Fitz!"

"Bye Eli!"

"Bye Clare!"

"Bye Fitz!"

"Bye Eliza!"

"Goodbye Fitzy bear…"

He disappeared into the house and then we had to take Eli to McDonalds. I swear, I've never seen someone go through five Big Macs, a large drink and two boxes of fries so easily. He finished before we got back to his house and by the time we pulled up in the Goldsworthy driveway…He was sleeping like a baby.

Eliza and I couldn't wake him, but we knew he was alive because he was snoring, mumbling and shooing our hands away. We ended up dragging him out of the car to carry him into the house.

"Okay Clare, you grab his arms and I'll get his legs."

"This should be easy."

"Yeah, I mean how much can he weigh…."

We picked Eli up and instantly realized that things are not always as they seem. Eli was a lot heavier than he looked! We nearly dropped him several times. Luckily we managed to get him to the living room couch at least. We flipped him over on his belly and then covered him up with a blanket.

I was beat when we made it back upstairs. Alli and Jenna inquired about our adventure… Eliza and I just looked at each other, where in the heck do we start?

**Review Please? Thanks... How am I doing so far?**


	15. Chapter 15

Eliza

I ran my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly. His body relaxed against mine. Fitz really doesn't deserve to get his head rubbed because he's so incredibly hung over but… How can I say no? He looked at me with those puppy eyes and I folded.

"You are the best girlfriend ever. Did I really hug your brother?"

"I'm afraid so… I think you two may have bonded."

"Shit… You really drove me home?"

"Yes… In Morty, just like I drove your car here."

"Wow. You are amazing. I think your scalp massage is making the aspirin work."

"Well I have a way…How is your skull?"

"The doctor said it was good…"

"Your mom okay? I mean with your dad having to keep at least 100 feet away and having no contact?"

"She's doing okay actually. She met someone new…"

"What? Mrs. Fitz is dating again?"

"His name is Phillip; he's actually my probation officer and mentor."

"Wow, Fitz… this is good news."

"Yeah sort of… I feel so much better now… I'm bored."

"Me too."

I thought of something to do. I leaned down and planted a kiss on Fitz's neck. He responded by catching my lips in a kiss. He turned around slowly to face me. I pulled him by his shirt until he was on top of me, his weight taking my breath away and I liked it. I unbuttoned the buttons on my shirt to expose my black lace bra. He matched me by taking his shirt off. The feeling of his naked skin against mine made me hot and anxious. His kisses deepened and became more aggressive. Ours tongues were in a struggle for power. I wiggled out of the skirt I was wearing and then Fitz stopped kissing me.

"What are you doing?"

"I just thought… Fitz I'm ready okay…I really want this. I really want you."

"That's just your hormones talking."

"Yeah and yours are talking too. I felt you… you want me and I want you too. I am so wet right now it's ridiculous."

"Eliza, I think we should take a break."

"From what?"

"Us…."

"What? Why?"

"Because, I just… Because I said so…I'll take you home…"

"No, I'll walk."

He looked down and scratched his head. He looked sad and frustrated. I put on my skirt and buttoned my shirt quickly. Then I grabbed my things and left before the waterworks could start. I started home and I cried… hard. He just dumped me… I don't even know why. I didn't do anything, I just wanted to be with him and he dumped me. How fucking messed is that? I wiped my tears and went to the Dot because I need something sweet, hot and fattening. I ordered the hot smores cake with real roasted marshmallows on the side and an extra large hot chocolate. The Dot was sure empty for a Saturday, but then again I guess everybody else is at home actually making love to their boyfriends or girlfriends… He dumped me… Because I wanted to have sex with him, he dumped me… I cannot get it out of my damn head!

After eating the super sugary meal I went back home. My dad was out on a date with one of his various lady friends… I went upstairs and I heard soft moans coming from Eli's room. They sounded like Clare's… Gross. That sound implanted an image in my head that I didn't want… Even my brother is getting it on. Guess I'm the only one not getting any…

I plopped down on the bed and laid back. The anger of Fitz not wanting to sleep with me melted away… All that was left was the sorrow of being alone again. I got kicked to the curb. This is truly depressing. I lay on the bed for an hour sulking in my misery until Bianca called.

"Hello?"

"Yuck, you sound horrible. You're not sick are you?"

"No…"

"Good because we are going to see that new movie… You know the one."

"Sure, it's not like I have a boyfriend anymore."

"Are you sarcastically telling me that you have plans with Fitz or did something not fit for print really happen?"

"He broke up with me."

"Holy shit, have you two? You know…"

"No! I tried but…"

"Holy fucking cow! I think I need to call the Vatican. Fitz dumped a girl… Even more shocking, he didn't sleep with her. You might be able to get in the Guinness book.."

"Not helping Bianca! I'm going freaking crazy! I loved Fitz."

"Look, I have been doing one good deed a day, part of a new leaf… I haven't done a good deed today so I'll help you out. I'll talk to him…"

"Thanks, I'll get the twizzlers at the movie."

"Love the idea. See you tonight. He's just not that into you part two… Here we come!"

"See you then."

I got up from my bed. I still had a few hours before the movie but boredom and sorrow were crowding my mind so I put together my outfit. Eli's jeans that I "borrowed" and a Rugrat's tee shirt, with a black sweater and classic black chucks. Easy enough… I paced around my bedroom. Tidying up here and there, flat ironing my hair and even organizing my CD collection…. Stupid Fitz, he knows I don't know how to be single again… But I am. Maybe at least Bianca can find out why, really…why? I crawled under my bed and I just laid there waiting for the monster that so many five year olds fear to come and take me to his secret lair of monster stuff… He never came, guess I'm too old for his taste. There was a knock on the door. I told the person to come in. I could tell it was Clare.

"Eliza? Where are you?"

"Under the bed."

"What are you doing under here?"

"Sulking, killing time… Fitz and I broke up."

"Whoa. I thought things were going so well…"

"They were until I offered him my virginity. He spazzed out and broke up with me because I wanted him."

"Doesn't sound like Fitz at all…"

"So I've heard."

"Maybe you should let things flow naturally."

"That's the thing Clare, they were flowing naturally. We were just making out and he stopped us when I wiggled out of my skirt."

"Clare? Eliza?"

"Under the bed Eli! Eliza's suffering a crisis."

"What's up?"

"Fitz broke up with me."

"What'd you do?"

"I wanted to have sex with him."

"Gross! So why'd he break up with you?"

"Exactly what I'm wondering… Bianca is talking to him."

"Bianca?"

"Hey you guys… I know she has a bad rep, I've heard but she's cool… Plus she's been his best bud since forever."

"Little sis, maybe you should forget about Fitz and get someone more like Wesley or Dave."

"Wesley and Dave are too… they are nice I just… they aren't my type."

"Oh…"

"I'm going to the Dot. Have fun here being a couple… I need another piece of cake."

I grabbed my coat and walked to the Dot. It was still empty mostly. Clare's sister Darcy was waiting tables and the guy… Peter, was behind the counter like always. I ordered a piece of smores cake with another extra large hot chocolate. Before I could get my money out a card flew in front of my hand.

"It's on me."

I looked back. This guy had blonde hair but the darkest eyebrows and the bluest eyes I've ever seen in my life. He looked crisp and well, he looked rich. He flashed me a gorgeous smile and extended his hand.

"Hi, I'm Declan Coyne. You are?"

"I'm uh, Eliza Goldsworthy. You didn't have to do that but thanks…"

"No problem, so Eliza, what brings you to the Dot?"

"Sweets…"

"Duh Declan… You attend Degrassi?"

"Yeah. Grade ten.."

"Grade twelve. I just moved back."

"From where?"

"New York."

"Cool."

"When'd you get here?"

"Few months ago…"

"I knew it had to be, I didn't recognize you… I'll be honest. You're gorgeous."

"Thanks, you're not so bad yourself."

"Keep a lonely bachelor company during his meal?"

"Sure."

While I was waiting on the food Peter pulled me over to the side and gave me a message.

"Watch out for that guy."

"Why?"

"I don't like him…"

"Yeah, because that is a valid reason not to trust someone.."

"Looks can be deceiving okay, I mean he's no Satan, but he's no angel."

"Thanks for the warning?"

"Here's your cake… "

"Thanks."

I went to the table where Declan was a having a cup of coffee. He looked me over with lust in his eyes, but he flashed his gorgeous smile when he realized I was following his eyes. I guess my outfit makes me a guy magnet. A pleated mini skirt with black ballet flats and a white button down sweater that perfectly accentuated my curves. I loved pretty darn hot.

"Peter telling you the hot gossip of the day?"

"Something like that. So Declan Coyne? You wouldn't happen to be related to Fiona Coyne by any chance would you?"

"She's my twin sister."

"Cool… I think she's dating my friend."

"Must be Adam… She talks day and night about this guy, it's sickening."

"Well that is a luxury young people in love have."'

"Tell me about it."

Declan was nice and he treated me like a lady, I just couldn't get Fitz off my mind the entire time. I wanted to call Bianca and see if she'd talked to him but I didn't want to risk it because I could be interrupting the talk! My mind is literally in overdrive. I ate my cake and then I talked to Declan for about an hour. Then I remembered that I had to get home to get ready for the movie.

"Well Declan, it was nice meeting you but I have to get home to get ready for a night out with my friend… Maybe I'll see you around at Degrassi?"

"You most definitely will. Can I call you sometime?"

"Um… Sure…"

I gave my number to the strapping young lad and then I walked home. I was a house divided within myself. One part of me was happy to be wined, dined and called gorgeous by a virtual stranger, it proved I wasn't a dog faced girl. Yet, another part wished that it was Fitz calling me gorgeous and eating cake with me… Declan can call me if he'd like but… I hope he's not expecting anything more right now. I'm not fit to be with anyone else just yet.

When I got home Clare and Eli were on the couch, cuddled up next to each other sleeping. They are so cute together, I'm glad Eli found somebody… After Julie we weren't sure if he'd ever recover.

I went upstairs and went into the shower. I let out a few more tears, they went down the drain with the steamy water. When I came out I put on the outfit I'd picked. I was simple and cute. By the time I was done getting ready Bianca was honking her horn. I went downstairs and Eli and Clare were both snoring while he held her… This is where love gets unconditional.

"Hey, done being all heartbroken?"

"No… What happened?"

"He.. Well. He's …there is someone else."

"What?"

"He didn't want to tell you because he loved you, he wouldn't sleep with you because he felt guilty for cheating and as far as I've heard he's staying with the other girl. She's having their baby."

"Wow."

"I know this is a shock… She's keeping the baby and all that too."

"Wow…"

"Save your tears for the movie…"

I didn't cry, although the tears formed in my eyes I couldn't Instead I just tried to breathe because it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I saw the movie but I didn't really watch it. My mind was scattered in a million different places at once, just like my heart.

When the movie was over Bianca dropped me off back at home and she gave me a small pep talk. It did exactly nothing to ease my pain. I want to call Fitz but… I don't want to seem like I'm begging him to take me back, or talk to me. Instead I just looked at his number in my phone and I ran my finger over the "send" button never quite pressing it. This is torture, this is horrible.

I changed into my flannel pajamas and I climbed into bed. I cried myself to sleep. I suddenly became glad I didn't give myself to him. I wish I'd never met him in fact. I wish I just remained alone this entire time… When people say they would have rather lost love than never loved at all that is a lie in the form of comfort! Losing love is horrible and I wish I'd just never felt it at all…

**Review please? Tell me what you think! =)**


	16. Chapter 16

Clare

Am I the only one seeing this right now? I must be the only one seeing this… Fitz and Declan Coyne are both staring at Eliza like two lions eyeing the last available Gazelle. Did I miss something? I mean I'd expect this from Fitz, but Declan… Eliza needs to gossip, and now.

"Eliza, can we talk?"

"Sure Clare wassup?"

"Why is Declan Coyne staring you down?"

"Oh, that guy from the Dot? I don't know… I mean I met him right after me and Fitz broke up this weekend and he paid for my cake and cocoa, then he asked for my number. He texted me hi a few times but that's it…"

"Wow, Declan hit on you?"

"What am I a little dog faced girl or something?"

"No, he was just madly in love with Holly J."

"Oh, well it's not like that… He's just a potential friend. The other guy staring at me is the one I really want."

"How are you holding up?"

"I used to house phone and star sixty seven to call Fitz and hang up three times…. I just couldn't let myself speak but I wanted to hear his voice."

"You will live… At least you don't have to see him with the other girl."

"What like you and Jenna and KC?"

"You heard about that?"

"I hear about everything…"

"Well yeah… I'm over that now though and soon you will be too. Who is this Fitz guy?"

"Just the man of my dreams."

"No he's a loser… Hey, don't look back."

"Why?"

"Because it turns out that you might have to see them together after all…"

Eliza turned around. She met Fitz's eyes and she also saw the other girl standing there, baby bump pronounced… She was holding onto Fitz's arm but Fitz still had his eyes locked on Eliza… He had hurt, regret and guilt in his eyes… Eliza ran to the bathroom and I followed her. She cried so hard that she threw up, luckily the porcelain was handy.

"I wanna go home."

"I'll text Eli and ask him if he can run you home during break."

"Thanks… I sort of don't feel like digging for my phone."

"Hey, just… Try to get over Fitz okay?"

"I'm trying Clare but… what if Fitz was Eli and you were me…"

"Point taken… Hey Peter and Darcy are going to a cabin this weekend, they invited me… We could go; you could get away for a bit…"

"Anything is better than this."

"Great!"

After trying to avert the crisis I went to find my totally amazing boyfriend. Seeing Eliza's trouble makes me feel...Lucky to have Eli. He was talking to Adam. It sounded like they were having a heated debate over comic books. Boys… I hugged him tight.

"Wow, what did I do to deserve this?"

"You're just being you…"

"Maybe I'll be me all the time then. What's wrong with Eliza?"

"Heartache, tears, vomit…"

"She threw up? She's not like all sickly is she?"

"No, I don't guess so. She didn't seem well though."

"I'll take her home during my free period, which starts… now."

"Hurry back."

"No problem, I'll just throw a pair of wings on Morty."

"Smart ass…"

"You love this smart ass, and this smart ass loves you."

I blushed as he disappeared down the hallway. Adam and I were just standing there talking about the situations at hand, until he opened a bag of greasy, cheesy, cheddar potato chips. My stomach suddenly started doing flips and I started hyper salivating. I ran to the bathroom nearly pushing people out of my way to make it to the toilet in time to…blow chunks, like I've never blown chunks before.

I threw up so much that my side hurt, and it drained my energy. I hope I don't have the stomach flu but I better get to the nurse just in case. When I got there I was still feeling a bit queasy but all I could think about was food, even though it apparently would not stay down right now. She went through the usual procedures of checking my temperature, blood pressure, ear, nose throat all of the above… Yet she couldn't find anything wrong so she started in on those scary questions with scary answers…

"Clare are you sexually active?"

"Yes…"

"Last sexual encounter?"

"Last night."

"How often would you say you have intercourse?"

"Two to three times a week."

"Do you remember the date of your last menstrual cycle?"

"I…uh I don't… But my period has always been irregular."

"Okay Clare, I'm going to need a urine sample just to run a few routine tests."

She handed me a cup, and I went to the bathroom in it… When I was done I put the lid on and handed it to her. She went into her little room and when she came back out she had a clipboard in her hand.

"Well Clare, as I suspected, you are pregnant."

"What?"

"You don't know when your last period was so you'll have to go to the doctor for a formal check up. Do you know the father?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to consider keeping it?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I would like you to come back with the baby's father tomorrow around this time, Ms. Sovae and I will tell you two what to expect and your options."

"Okay, thank you."

I walked out into he hallways like a zombie. Alli walked over to me, sunshine beaming behind her. My sunshine is gone for right now… I'm pregnant! There is a person inside me! Why? I took plan b and we haven't had any more mess ups… Why did this happen?

"Clare! What's up?"

"Time."

"Huh?"

"Alli, if I tell you something you have to swear not to blab to anyone about it."

"Best friend's honor."

"I'm pregnant."

"Whoa! Clare you have to prepare me for news like that. I should have been sitting down."

"Sorry for upsetting you but I'm the one with a fetus in my uterus!"

"Gross!"

"Alli!"

"Okay, well does Eli know? It is Eli's right?"

"Alli…"

"Right, first and only."

"I don't know how I'll tell him."

"Tell him tonight on your date."

"What if he's mad at me?"

"I'm sure he won't be Clare, he doesn't even seem like that type."

"Yeah… what am I thinking of?"

The day passed quickly. I got ready for me and Eli's date tonight. When I stepped out of the shower I noticed that I was starting to grow a tiny baby bump. I guess that fluttery feeling these past few weeks has been this little… Goldsworthy inside me.

I got dressed in a pink dress with a white sweater and white ballet flats. I made sure my curls were in place and I put on a tiny amount of pink eye shadow. When I got downstairs Eli was talking to Darcy and Peter. They were all laughing and joking. I'm glad to see that they get along… How does Uncle Peter and Aunt Darcy sound?

He spotted me coming down the stairs and I saw the love in his eyes. Suddenly I stopped feeling so afraid and nervous… I got in his car and we went to eat. I was craving something like… Pizza… So that's where we went. The slice of pepperoni I had made me want to eat the entire pan, and I nearly did but Eli had his share too. After we ate I asked to go to our place in the park. When we got there things were silent. He was just looking at me, that same love-filled look in his eyes.

"Why are you staring?"

"Because, you're so beautiful... I mean you always are but Clare Edwards you are glowing…"

"I know why…"

"Why? Bronzer? Foundation? Fairy dust?"

"No, the baby I'm pregnant with."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm pregnant Eli."

"How'd this happen?"

"I don't know…"

I started to cry and he looked over. He pulled me into a hug and patted my back. He was such a comforter right now, even though he's probably in need of some comfort himself. He's selfless…

"Clare it's going to be okay."

"What are we going to do?"

"You don't want to give it away do you?"

"I don't want to be alone raising it…"

"You won't be… I told you, I'll be there all nine months and all eighteen years, even longer than that."

"We'll be a family? A real family?"

"A real family…"

"Then I want to have the baby and keep it."

"Your sister or my dad first?"

"Your dad…"

"God help us…"

Eli

I'm going to be a father… I can't even picture anybody calling me dad… Hey dad… Dad? Dad... I think I'm going to pass out… No, Eli, man up and keep your cool because Clare is counting on you to support her… Though… I may need Clare to protect me from my dad once he finds out I'm following in the footsteps of the last 5 generations of Goldsworthy men by becoming a dad at age sixteen.. Well technically I will be seventeen when the baby is born but still…

We walked into the house. My dad was shining his boots and watching Manswers. This means he's pretty calm and pretty relaxed. Right now is the best time to do what we are about to do…

"Dad can I talk to you? Can we talk to you?"

"Sure son, what's is going on?"

"Well dad… This news can be taken as good or bad depending on how you view it. Clare and I love each other and well…"

"Spit it out kid."

"Clare is pregnant and we are keeping the baby."

"Wow… Well um I hope you kids know this is a big responsibility. I wish you all the best. I will help you two in any way I can."

"Really Mr. Goldsworthy? You're not mad?"

"No, just disappointed, but I guess this curse was bound to get Eli… he's a Goldsworthy and that baby is going to be a boy."

"How do you know?"

"First one always is…"

"Okay. I'll uh see how that turns out."

After giving my dad the news I was surprised by how calm he was. He was even friendly. Next we went over to the Edwards residence and told Darcy to news. She was all wrapped up in Peter, maybe that will keep her calm?

"Well Darcy, Eli and I have news for you… and um Peter since he's here.."

"Well spit it out little sis. What are we doing dating?"

"More like double babysitting… I'm pregnant and we're keeping the baby."

"Clare… I'm not mad… I'm not happy but I understand when I was your age I made my share of mistakes too… It's going to be hard, just promise me you won't give up trying to make something of yourself?"

"I swear Darc… I'll need help."

"I don't know much about babies but I'll do what I can. I swear… We're in this together… Peter too."

"Yeah Clare-ster, you can count on me."

"Thanks you guys."

Well that went well for Clare. It went well for me too. Somehow I don't' really trust my dad's happiness. I know for a fact that people with tempers like his do not just change overnight…

I kissed Clare goodnight and rubbed her belly… My baby is in there. I went back into the house and smoke was coming out from under my dad's door… That and the smell of weed. Oh hell, I'm gonna get murdered. First there's the happy stage, then there's the weed and meditation stage then finally the anger stage.

I knocked on Eliza's door. She was still looking a little… unhappy but she wasn't as sickly looking as she was earlier. I guess she just needs a little time to get over Fitz. I bet he's dying inside too…

"How long has dad been blazing?"

"Since you and Clare left. I'm going to be an aunt?"

"Seems like it."

"Yay… I'll help Clare raise the baby because dad is going to murder the shit out of you in three…two…one…"

My dad's entire body blocked Eliza's doorway. She went and jumped into the closet leaving me with no witnesses to my murder. Well, it would have been nice to see the baby I helped create.

"Son why? After all the talks we had! After the condom dispenser I put in the basement! After all the heart to hearts and all the times you've seen my hardships why would you want to follow in my footsteps? Are you stupid or just plain brain-dead! Answer me boy!"

"Dad it was an accident!"

"Accidents like that don't happen! You know that even once without a condom can leave to eighteen years worth of living for someone else!"

"It broke!"

"That's why they invented the morning after pill Elijah!"

"She took it! I swear she did! I guess it didn't work…"

"Son, I just wanted you to have a good life. You're smart, a lot smarter than I was. You're good with cars, chemicals and you're a great writer… You can go places… I wanted you to go places."

"Dad I can still go places. I just… I'll have to work twice as hard."

"Well kid you damn well better because you're going to be something."

"Dad you're something…"

"I'm just a mechanic."

"Dad without mechanics people would be riding around on bicycles… You're important and you're a great dad."

"Thanks kid… I love ya."

"Love you too dad."

My dad pulled me into a bear hug and Eliza suddenly jumped out of the closet. She got in on the hug too. It was a great moment for our household. Now the real work begins, I have to find a job because Clare doesn't need to work in her position.

"Hey dad."

"Yeah?"

"You hiring?"

"I need someone for the front desk… Why you know somebody?"

"Where do I apply?"

"Son are you sure?"

"I need a job dad so that Clare won't have to work…"

"Well, you can start next Monday. I'm uh, proud of you son."

He walked out of the Eliza's room and so did I. when I got to my own room I was exhausted and I finally done all that passing out I wanted to do when Clare first told me the news, except I done it into my pillow.

**Reviews Please…**


	17. Chapter 17

Eliza

"Clare… you're like really pregnant… Look at your belly it's huge! I bet you have excess skin once little Eli I born."

"Gee thanks for your sensitivity Eliza!"

"Sorry… Does it hurt? Because it looks painful…"

"Yes it hurts a little when he kicks and balls up… My belly itches all the time and the heartburn is horrible but… at the same time you realize there really is someone else inside of you."

I cringed at the thought… I'm going to be an auntie. We walked away from my locker talking about her pregnancy and Eli with his two jobs… Yeah, two jobs but my dad only knows about one of them. They other job it that he works at the front desk of this recording studio… I don't guess the weight of having two jobs hasn't gotten to him any, he doesn't seem worn down and his grades are still the same… But wait until the baby comes.

Clare and I walked, still talking and laughing until Brenda, Fitz's um… girlfriend/ baby mama approached me. If Clare is really pregnant, then Brenda is super pregnant…. She looked angry.

"Eliza?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't appreciate you breaking up me and Fitz's happy home."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I read a notebook of his, guess it was a journal and all I saw was your name. Stay out of his head."

"Sure you shouldn't put the baby up for adoption because with that dumbass statement you just made I'm not sure you have the mental capacity to change a diaper or mix formula…. You should talk to Fitz, not me… I haven't spoken to him in months… Now remove yourself from my sight or else I will make sure that at some point in your life you are in so much pain labor and delivery seems like a fucking Swedish massage!"

By now there was a crowd around. Brenda pushed me but before I could even conceive my next action Clare, Bianca and Eli were pulling me away. Fitz backed Brenda away and mouthed "sorry" to me… I stalked off through the halls before Mr. Simpson could come and lecture me before giving me another detention. Trouble seems to follow me lately. I've been a lot angrier… A few examples of my recent troubles… First, I attacked Drew, he was being annoying and he said something mean to Alli so I hit him in the eye. I meant to but not really… I just got so mad. Second incident, I sort of hacked past the school's firewall to get on facebook and twitter… Simpson got wind quick and I ended up back in his office… Third incident… Some random girl said Clare was a whore and that my brother was a freak so I waited until she took out her Asthma inhaler, I snatched it and threatened to spray the medicine out… That was when the parent teacher conference became mandatory. I'll say I've been acting out lately, but I don't know why. I'm taking my meds… Maybe they aren't working anymore.

I walked through the halls trying to calm down only to bump into Declan. He's still cool with me, even though I know his game. He's trying to win back Holly J by making her jealous. Once I let him know I was onto him he couldn't deny it so we're friends…

"Hey Eliza, I heard you got into a scuffle just now."

"Sort of."

"Well that's no good. You've seemed a little stressed lately."

"Not stressed, angry."

"Either way, you should let me treat you to dinner tonight… as friends, my treat."

"No agenda?"

"I'm starting to realize that… Holly J will never take me back… She told me that a long time ago but I didn't listen."

"Well fine."

I started walking again, no goal in mind and then I heard my name over to PA system. Simpson sounded angry. I walked to his office slowly, making it in time to see my father going through the door angrily. I'm probably dead meat now. When I got into the office my dad was sitting in the chair… Man if looks could kill then his glare would have slaughtered me!

"Eliza, what have you done now?"

"Dad I…"

"Mr. Goldsworthy, Eliza got into an apparent altercation with another girl, a pregnant girl… We don't know the motives so maybe Eliza will tell us."'

"Mr. S… Dad… I was minding my own business, talking to Clare when Fitz's girlfriend Brenda comes up and starts accusing me of stuff and saying mean things, so I said some mean things back and she pushed me but my friends pulled me away."

"The student says you threatened her."

"What?"

"She says you threatened to cause her pain…"

"Well I did but…"

"Threats of any kind are intolerable Eliza. Mr. Goldsworthy, I'm afraid we will have to suspend Eliza for three days."

"What? Some girl gets in my kid's face and she defends her honor so she's suspended?"

"Mr. Goldsworthy I'm sorry, if I don't the other student could go to the board… We don't want any trouble."

"Dad just… forget it."

"Fine… Fine…"

My dad waited in the car while I got assignments from my teachers and my binders from my locker. I walked out to the car slowly. My dad looked angry. He was silent on the ride back to his mechanic shop. When we pulled up in the parking lot though, he let loose.

"Eliza, I want to know what the hell is going on with you… And I want to know now. This is the second time in three weeks I've been up at that school and last time I was there I found out that for the past month you've been doing all these violent things. What the hell is up with you kid? Why are you so mad?"

"I don't know why I'm so angry dad, I just am okay!"

"Watch your fucking tone when you're talking to me! If anyone is to do any yelling it's me!"

"Sorry dad…"

"I'm taking you in to see Dr. Marcus."

"What? No! Dad I'm not having some kind of bipolar attack okay!"

"Well Eliza what if you are! Better safe than sorry…"

I got out of the truck and went to the space above the shop. I done three days worth of homework and class work in three hours… Now I have nothing to do. I listened to my music but I quickly had to turn it off because I started having these violent thoughts of beating the hell out of Brenda the first day she comes back from maternity leave… Whenever that will be. Maybe I do have a problem.

My dad came up to the room and told me that my appointment was in the morning. My dad has never been good in any kind of Dr's office, even ones without medical stuff… So I know he must really think something is wrong with me to book an appointment for me… After telling me that he released me. I don't suppose I'm grounded…

I walked home and looked through my closet for things to wear when I hang out with Declan tonight. While my personality has gotten darker, my wardrobe has gotten lighter… half my closet was now pastel, and that is what I chose… A lavender crop top with a pair of jeans and silver ballet flats. I threw my hair in a ponytail and then I went out on the town a few hours early. I didn't feel like hearing everyone's questions so I went to the Dot… Only to run smack dab into the people I was trying to avoid, my family. Eli, Clare and Adam were sitting at their usual spot, they noticed me instantly.

"Eliza!"

"Clare!"

"What happened to you?"

"Three day suspension. That bitch told Simpson I threatened her or something."

"Wow… That is not fair. It wasn't your fault."

"I know… I told him that. You know he's a slave to the school board though."

"Are you okay? You've been really mad lately…"

"So I've heard… My dad booked an appointment with the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with bipolar disorder."

"That is at least a step… I mean I want you to be happy again… I want the old Eliza back, even though I must say that the new Eliza's lighter appearance really lets everybody see how pretty you are."

"Yeah yeah yeah…"

"What's with the belly button display?"

"Nothing… I just like the shirt and I'm hanging out with Declan."

"Whoa… You know he's a senior right? You're hanging out… alone?"

"Yes and yes Clare gosh… What is he going to do? He seems harmless… Plus we are just friends"

"Just saying…"

Clare, Eli and Adam cheered me up a lot. I'm lucky to have friends and an older brother so funny, entertaining and understanding… Time rolled around and Declan called me. I told him I was at the Dot and he arrived there ten minutes later in a shiny black Ranger Rover.

I got in and we greeted each other, then it was to the next destination, to get food… I was surprised when we ended up at the Coyne residence. Okay, he never mentioned hanging out at his place… No worries, I have mace. I followed him into the elevator and up three floors to the nicely decorated loft.

"I hope you don't mind… I had the food bought here…"

"Sure, that was um… nice?"

"Ha, loosen up I won't bite you."

"You sure? Because Clare's stories say different."

"Oh gosh…Well then I will only if you want me too… Now sit… Let's eat."

The food did look and smell good, and my tummy was rumbling… I gave in and sat down to eat. I began to get comfortable as the conversation picked up, I needed something stress free like this. After the meal I totally cleaned him out in a game of poker and then he took me home. Once there I went straight to bed… I have a doctor's appointment in the morning.

The office was warm; it smelled like peppermint, the same as I remember it. Dr. Marcus had aged so little that it was almost undetectable. Same salt and pepper gray hair, same shaven face, same locked fingers and calm face… He's a therapist.

"So Eliza, you've been angry lately?"

"Yeah, really mad…"

"Why?"

"Don't know…"

"Well when did this anger start?"

"About a month and a half ago…."

"Did anything happen to jumpstart this?"

"Not that I know of."

"So there was no bullying, abuse, pain?"

"My ex boyfriend… broke up with me…"  
"Now we're getting somewhere. How did that make you feel?"

"Like crap, there was someone else, she's pregnant and….. He looks so unhappy with her and I want to tell him…. I don't know what I want to say…I want to talk to him but… I can't."

"Does it make you angry because you can't talk to him?"

"A little… Every time I see him I just get mad, and then people come up and start being all annoying and I lash out…"

"Can you control yourself at all?"

"I try, but it feels like sometimes I can't… Like I just have to do this, or something I'm not even thinking I just do… If my friends hadn't pulled me away I would have punched Brenda in her face yesterday…"

"Brenda?"

"She's Fitz's pregnant girlfriend. She came to me and started saying mean things. I said some mean things back and she pushed me. Before I could react my friends pulled me away."

"Eliza, I would like you to come and see me again next week… I will need to run more tests of course but I suspect that you have intermittent explosive disorder… it's when a person has outbreaks in which they have frequent fits of rage, usually lasting for short period of time and usually resulting in violent, angry behavior. This is common in people with bipolar disorder; the two are synonymous in some ways…"

"Great, how is it treated?"

"Behavioral therapy and meds… we could simple just strengthen your stabilizers."

"Okay."  
"See you same time next week?"

"Sure…"

I went into the waiting room and my dad was reading a magazine. I went and sat next to him in the chairs. He looked over and raised a brow. Should I tell him what the doctor said? Yeah I probably should…

"He thinks I have this condition called intermittent explosive disorder, it's when you have bursts of anger and you do violent things. He says I need to come back same time next week so he can run some tests and if I have it he'll just up my dosage of meds."

"Wow… See better safe than sorry… I know you probably hate my guts but… I'm just trying to make sure you don't end up like your aunt Jennifer… You know she had bipolar disorder too, though she was undiagnosed… She acted just like you, got angry like you and then she got into a fight with this guy and he shot her…"

"I never knew that dad."

"Yeah…. I'm doing this so that you can be safe Eliza…"

"I know dad."

We left the office and I went back home, my dad on the other hand went to work. The house sure is quiet when nobody is there… Well, time to go in Eli's room and meddle! I looked around until I found the jack pot… Eli's been holding out on his stash. I got the rum and poured myself a cup… It burned going down but it burned so good. I decided that was all I would have… On to new adventures… I looked through the one million books in his room until I found his journal. Gosh this guy is in love with Clare. If they don't get married he might very well off himself… I didn't leave Eli's room without returning one pair of jeans and taking another… Then it was back to my own room.

I sat on my bed and bounced around for a bit. It was so boring. That was until I got a text from an unexpected contact… It was Fitz. He asked if he could come over… I agreed. I wonder what he wants.

Even though it didn't matter I spruced myself up a little… Even re-brushing my teeth and throwing some water on my face to look refresh… By the time the door bell rang I was like a new person. When I opened the door Fitz's looked ghostly. He had dark circles under his eyes, he was pale and his eyes were bloodshot, he also looked sad….

"Hey Eliza… can I come in?"

"Sure… What's this about?"

"Brenda had the baby…"

"Congrats."

"It isn't mine…"

"What?"

"She told me that this entire time she knew there was a possibility that the baby could be mine or three other guys' kid… But she never told me and she suckered me into being with her because I was the only idiot not to know that she was a slut… The baby is beautiful, it was a girl and she has skin the color of chocolate… She told me as soon as the doctors and nurses cleared out that I wasn't the dad… The guy did actually show to the hospital and he looks just like the kid. I've had a crazy twenty four hours."

"Fitz I'm sorry she lied to you."

"Well I'm sorry I hurt you… These past few months have been hell and seeing you, though heavenly, have made me wish I could just die. I miss you… I just wanted to be a good dad and…"  
"Fitz hush… I know your situation."

"So… give me another shot?"

"No, not yet. I can't Fitz; you might get hurt I'm sick in the head…"

"What?"

"I am waiting to be diagnosed with another mental illness Fitz… I'm not fit to be in a relationship right now, but even if that wasn't so I'd still need time… You hurt me…"  
"I know, and I could kick myself."

"Well that's a start. You look starved..."

"I am… Eat at the Dot with me as friends?"

"Sure."

I grabbed my coat and purse then we left. It felt so good to be at least talking to Fitz a little. Though every part of me said to take him back and drag him up to my room to have hot reconciliation sex, I decided to wait to see if things would go well, and to make him sweat a little.

**Reviews please peepz..I wanna know if im on the right . thanks so much =)**


	18. Chapter 18

Eli

Clare and I sat on my bed looking at the latest ultrasound picture. This one was in 3D, so we kind of saw what the baby looked like inside the womb… So far it has Clare's cheeks and my mouth but other than that… we will just have to wait and see. We couldn't stop swooning over baby Eli; meanwhile there was a thunderstorm coming up which meant that Eliza was going to come flying into my room at any second…. When she busted in my room I wasn't surprised. I also was not surprised to see her wagging around her childhood security blanket Ms. Pinkums…

"Eliza, what do you want?"

"I'm scared…"

"What are you five?"

"No I'm fifteen and I'm scared! Can I… sleep with you guys?"

"No!"

"Eli, come on… let her stay. It can be like a sleep over."

"Clare you are too nice to her."

"Please Eli? I promise not to even talk myself to sleep like I usually do."

"Alright, come on…"

She jumped in the bed and joined our conversation. I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought, but still… This puts a damper on the quality time… Well at least it did for twenty minutes before Eliza drifted off to sleep.

"Clare… Thanks for not hating my family."

"Your family kicks ass… I mean look at her over here, she looks so innocent and adorable, like a baby."

"An evil baby."

"Eli… Be nice, we will need babysitters and Adam has already counted himself out."

"Yeah, Adam and babies don't even seem like a good idea. You know you don't have to work when Eli jr. is born… I'm doing fine with my two jobs and I already have like three thousand saved up for the baby's needs and supplies… More is on the way too because payday is tomorrow baby…"

"You're so dorky. I just… Eli I miss you. I mean you don't work that much, but it's too much and you are missing important things."

"Like what?"

"Like the other day when little Eli was having a nightmare or something, flopping around… You know your voice calms him down, he needed you."

"Not a good defense Clare. Look I'm working two jobs, you're not going to work at all… you just focus on school and the baby, when I'm not here."

"What about next year when you graduate and go off to university?"

"Then…. Well it's going to all work out Clare but I need you to trust me."

Clare doesn't know this but my dad gave me the space above his shop for me, Clare and the baby to live in. The whole building is paid for and he never uses the space anyway so he just gave it to me… For a small fee of five hundred bucks total which is pretty cheap. Now I'm just working on fixing the place up. There isn't that much to be done, it just needs new paint and carpet, which I've already taken care of… I even furnished the living room, the baby's room, our room, the bathroom and I'm nearly done with the kitchen. The cabinets I ordered just came in so I have to put them on… Then I can surprise Clare with it.

Clare soon fell asleep. I got up from the bed and looked at her… The girl I love is nearly a woman. She's carrying life, a life that contains both of us, hopefully the best parts. I hope things don't go south from here…

The storm was over now and the clouds had cleared so much that the moon and stars were visible over head. I told my dad that I was going to work on the apartment. He had no objections… When I got there I opened the door, it creaked…. I'll have to oil the hinges later… I started putting the cabinets on and I got done quicker than I anticipated. So I baby proofed the cabinets, sockets and all these other things then I plugged up all the appliances. Everything works! I went and sat on me and Clare's bed… Our bed… hmmm… sounds good. Next I went into the baby's room where I'd painted it to look like the ocean. I twisted up the overhead carousel and let the lullaby play. I can't wait to meet him… I'm scared that I will mess up his life, but… still I can't wait to meet him… my son.

When I felt I'd done everything I could do I went back home where Clare and Eliza were stretched all over my bed. I went in Eliza's room to sleep since her bed was free and the nap was satisfactory. Exams tomorrow should be a breeze and then I get to attend the dance with my woman. I hope things are less dramatic this time, if not Simpson will outlaw them forever.

Eliza's alarm clock went off and I went to the bathroom only to find that it was occupied, right because I wake up earlier than her… sneaky little rat. She came out quickly though. Which was a good thing because I have to pee. After I took care of business and showered I got dressed in the ugly uniform. After today I'm burning this because Simpson has decided to indefinitely suspend the uniform policy because of our great behavior… Not that clothes has much to do with it in the first place… He's also lifting the ban on afterschool activities and making at least some websites available again, no mention yet on the public displays of affection but…we'll just assume he's lifted that rule too.

I went down to the kitchen and ate breakfast with my dad and Eliza. My entire body was buzzing because I was tired and excited… Today is the last day of school, there's a dance tonight, and then there's the big reveal of our place to Clare.. I'm about to explode.

When I went outside to my car Clare was already sitting inside asleep like every morning lately. Eliza and I just got in like usual and she woke up, greeting me with a morning kiss before falling back to sleep with her head on my shoulder.

School was like a carnival today. Midterms were a breeze and because of the awesome scantron machines donated to the school by an anonymous person, we got our grades back on the spot. I aced every fucking test… Call your guy a genius. By the end of the day I was floating on cloud nine until Adam knocked me back down to the Earth.

"So dude… I hate to mention this but I'm concerned about your health. You have muffin top."

"What? Adam I don't have muffin top."

"Yes you do… Eli, I think you've been giving into your sympathy cravings a bit too much."

"Thanks for your sensitivity Adam; look, fatherhood does this to you…"

"There are several things wrong with your logic, there is no baby here to father yet, but even if there was your excuse is still not valid because you are not carrying and then giving birth to it."

"Fuck you Adam…"

"Man I'm just calling it how I see it…. You got your suit ready for tonight? Roman Degrassi… Theme and décor thanks to my wonderful girlfriend."

"How is Fiona? How are you?"

"Fiona is perfect… She understands me and I understand her… We just click and our families get along! As for me… my last mandatory therapy session was last week and I rarely think about it, it's in the past and Owen is behind bars… Thanks to my awesome bro."

"Dude, I'm flattered."

"Gross…"

"Shut up dude..."  
"So, little Eli is doing well?"

"Yeah, he's got so much attitude already… He's a kicker."

"Ah, it's cute now but wait until he's going after random people's nards."

"Ha, funny…"

"Who is going to be in the delivery room?"

"I, Clare of course, Darcy and Clare can have one more person…. The only person who isn't too grossed out to go in is Eliza, so it will more than likely be her. Unless you want in?"

"No way man! The waiting room is where I need to be until little Eli is out of the oven and de-slimed."  
"Coward."

"Perv…"

The day passed quickly and before I knew it I was picking up Clare for the dance. Darcy answered the door. She was laughing so I will just assume Peter was there, if I'm not mistaken he's moved in.

"Hi Eli, Clare will be right down… Clare Diane Edwards get down here your lover boy is waiting and he has roses!"

"Coming geez! I just had to pee for the billionth time today."

Clare came down the stairs and my heart melted a little. She was wearing this Roman styled dress and she looked so... I don't know… goddess like. I must admit that I look nice in my gladiator gear. I feel ready for war.

"Hi Eli... Those for me?"

"Yeah… you look pretty."

"You look tough..."

Darcy made us take a few pictures and then it was off to the dance. I parked and we walked in with an array of other students, costumes more terrible that ours and we handed the chaperons our tickets. Once inside it was easy to spot my sister trying to get Fitz to dance with her to some boppy pop song. Adam and Fiona were setting the dance floor on fire and when a slow song came on, Clare pulled me out onto the dance floor. I wrapped my arms around her and we danced.

"Gosh I'm so big your arms don't even lap around me anymore."

"Clare please stop dissing my amazing girlfriend or I'll kick your butt."

"Eli I feel so ugly."

"Well you're not, you are so beautiful to me right now… If I'd known you'd be so radiant I would have knocked you up sooner."

"Smart ass…"

"Girlfriend of a smartass… you're beautiful so don't doubt it."

"Then why don't we have sex anymore."  
"You haven't wanted to. I tried, I even told you it'd be good for the baby but… you just weren't in the mood."

"I'm still not… Sorry I don't know why I bought it up."

"It's okay."

We danced until another fast paced boppy pop song came and on and then Eliza and Alli pulled her out onto the dance floor. She looked like she was having fun. She looked beautiful. Meanwhile Fitz and I stood by the punchbowl watching our girls… Well officially he and Eliza aren't dating again but… She's here with him tonight so things must be slowly restoring themselves.

"Damn emo boy, you're gonna be a dad."

"Tell me about it."

"I was in that boat…"

"I know… "

"Think Eliza will ever seriously take me back?"

"I don't know Fitz; you hurt her pretty bad… She cried every afternoon until she went to sleep at night for weeks… I know she still loves you but she'll need time. In other words you're out of the doghouse but not quite through the doggy door my friend."

"Thanks for the insight."

"No problem."

When the song went off Clare came back over to me, she seemed slightly flushed but only from shaking her tail feather… I put my arm around her waist and kissed her forehead. She laid her head on my shoulder and I placed my hand on her belly. We stood that was for a few minutes until some guy tripped and fell behind us. Then we snapped out of the trance and pose before talking again.

The dance was fun. We took a million pictures and everyone had good luck wishes to tell us. After we said goodbye to our friends I couldn't wait to show her my surprise. She had no clue of what was going on.

"Why are we at your dad's shop?"

"You will see…"

"Eli?"

"It's a surprise okay…"

I covered her eyes and we took the old elevator up to the apartment space above my dad's shop. I unlocked the door and walked her through it, and then I uncovered her eyes. She gasped when she saw it…

"Is this? Do we?"

"It's our place; I bought it from my dad."

"Oh Elijah! I love it!"

"You haven't even saw it yet."

"I don't care. You bought this for us. It's our place."

"Well, let me show you around."

I showed her our bedroom first. She approved of everything except the lack of a bookcase. I had books piled up on the floor but that is easily fixed. Next I took her to the bathrooms and the kitchen. She seemed to like it. Then I took her to the main event, the baby's room… She gasped when she saw it and tears started to pour from her eyes.

"It's beautiful Eli… You done all this?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh Eli… I love you… I love it!"

"Don't cry…"

"I'm so happy."

She sat down in the rocking chair and rubbed her belly. I kneeled down beside her and placed my head in her lap, only to have it kicked routinely by my son. I don't mind though, I guess that's the price I pay for putting my head in his space.

"When do we officially move in?"

"Tomorrow or after the baby is born… When we graduate college…anytime you want."

"Eli you're so funny. Tomorrow sounds perfect. We can start the first day of the rest of our lives then."

**reviews please peeps! please and thank you!**


	19. Chapter 19

Clare

"It's hot and you're sitting here wearing a sweater and socks! Eliza what is wrong with you?"

"Clare it isn't hot! That's just pregnancy making you all crazy… It's fucking freezing. The electricity bill won't make dad happy."

"I'm so uncomfortable! The bad part is that I'm I still have two months to go."

"Ha… yeah. At least you will be distracted by school… Which starts next week…It will be so awesome not having to wait on Eli to get out of the bathroom now since you two have your own place. Speaking of which, why aren't you there?"

"He wants me to be here so that you can keep an eye on me and so that Darcy will be nearby if I need anything."

"Oh…"

Six and a half months and… I'm miserable. This baby got huge before it was even time so now I feel like an over inflated balloon. If someone stuck a pin in me I might pop! My emotions are still running wild, I can't stop peeing and it's so damn hot!

Eli came through the door looking beat. Since its summer he took on two more jobs and well, he's been getting the rough end of the stick considering that one job is mowing yards and the other is working at a late night stocker for Walmart… on the plus side he's lost the muffin top that Adam teased him about but… I really never see him now. I mean we live together but he's always getting ready for work or handing me money. Sure the financial stability is good but I'm worried about him…

"Big brother… you look like you're dying lie down for a spell or something. You're scaring Clare."

"Shush Eliza! Clare is okay… Hey Clare."

"Hi Eli. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine… Never been better. I just got done mowing this guy's yard and he hasn't mowed it in six months, plus it's on a hillside… It took a while."  
"Maybe you should lie down."

"I'm okay. Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah… Are you okay to drive?"

"Of course."

I told Eliza goodbye and went out to Morty, who was dustier than I've ever saw him before. Eli got behind the wheel and took a deep breath before getting on the road. He seemed half asleep but his driving wasn't affected. We made it to our humble abode in one piece. Once we got there it was into the elevator and through the front door. He was barely walking, more like he was dragging himself along.

"Eli lie down…"

"I'm starving."

"Well I'll make you a bacon sandwich just shower and get some rest."

"You're awesome Clare."

"So are you Eli… so are you."

I heard him start up the shower. I knew he was still awake…well alive at least because of him singing. I fried up the bacon and put it between two lightly toasted pieces of bread. Then I dressed the sandwich with tomatoes and mayonnaise. When I went into our bedroom he was slipping on his boxers so I got a glimpse of his cute little butt.

"I see London I see France."

"Keep that up and I'll never wear pants…"

"Here's your sandwich, an apple and a coke."

"Thanks…"

"Now let's talk."

"Oh boy"

"Eli you are working yourself to death!"

"I'm not Clare I can handle it."

"No, you can't… You're tired all the time, you're not eating right and I never see you… We are supposed to live together but I'm always either here alone or at your dad's with Eliza. Eli I miss you…"

"Clare I quit my extra jobs tomorrow so that I can prepare so senior year…"

"You promise?"

"I kind of have no choice. I've already discussed it with the managers… I gave them my two weeks' notice… I get my last paychecks tomorrow. Hopefully all the overtime I've put in at Walmart and the ten lawns a day I've been pulling will uh… turn out to boost our rainy day money and the baby's money substantially."

"Whatever... so you swear after tomorrow it's only your dad's shop and the record company?"

"You have my solemn vow my lady."

"Good now hush, eat and go to sleep."

I left him to eat in peace. When I came back ten minutes later he was fast asleep with bacon grease around his mouth. I covered him up and then ventured into the baby's room. It was now filled with all the teddy bears that used to be mine, plus all the stuffed animals Alli, Eliza and Darcy have been buying lately. I have all the bottles, clothes, formula and baby supplies that one girl could need. The diapers are stacking up too, and in all sizes, even pull ups. The bad part is that my shower is tomorrow… Gosh, I might have so much stuff that it will outgrow this room.

The night came quickly and eventually Eli woke up. He still looked tired but he didn't look on the brinks of death like he was before. He came and sat beside me on the couch. I laid my head on his chest.

"Clare get dressed."

"Why?"

"We're going out on a date. Movie, dinner the park….just like before we found out about the baby."

"Yay!"

I showered quickly and put on a pair of maternity jeans with an off the shoulder shirt that accentuated my baby bump. I refreshed my curls a little and then threw on some eye shadow. I went back into the living room and Eli was standing by the door, fully dressed with keys in his hand. I turned off the television and we went out on the town.

The first stop was to get the pizza I was so desperately craving. I almost inhaled it! It was so yummy! Next we went to see a movie. There was this romantic comedy I wanted to see, but Eli wanted to see the new slasher film. We played rock paper scissors for it and I won! He endured the movie and I loved it. Next we went to the park where we just talked. He kissed me and it took my breath away. It's been a week since I got one of those kisses. I suddenly felt feelings that I haven't felt in months… Am I in the mood? I kissed him back aggressively.

"Eli… I think I'm in the mood."

"Shit for real? I don't have a condom…"

"Too late for that now. What's the harm?"

"Oh yeah…"

We scurried to the back of Morty where our clothes flew off. I was nervous about stripping in front of him, but our shower curtain is clear and he sees me washing every morning… Plus the way he looked at me made me feel pretty. ..

Having the idea was easier than acting it out... How are we going to do this with my huge belly in the way? Eli and I pondered for a few minutes before we finally came up with a plausible solution.

"Doggy style!"

"That's a new one Clare…"

"Look that is the only way this is happening without a pregnancy sex pillow."

"Okay, well… I'll hit it from the back then."

"Gross…"

"Ha..."

I got on my knees and Eli entered my core that way. I felt him deeper than ever, it was like a totally new experience. He thrusted hard, but not hard enough to do any damage. His orgasmic grunts made me want to just cum, and so I did…. He followed soon after. We lay down in the floor of the car and held each other.

"Will we ever do this again once he's here?"

"Of course Clare… We will make time for romance."

"What about…"

"What about what?"

"When you go off to university next year and I'm still in high school… There will be beautiful girls there and you might stop wanting to come home to me, with my baby weight and a crying brat in my arms."

"Clare Diane Edwards Goldsworthy! I will always love you and in my eyes you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I will want to be with you… Unless you start nagging."

"Never… I'm just scared I will lose you."

"Never… I will always come home to you Clare, unless I die."

"Eli!"

"What?"

"Don't mention dying… A world without you would be terrible."

"Then a world with no Clare would be hell."

We soon got redressed and went back home. We went to bed embracing each other… A "What to expect when you're expecting" book was propped up on my belly. I can only ever read two or three pages before drifting off to sleep. The next morning I felt Eli slip out of bed. I turned over and slept a few more minutes before there was a knock on my door. It was Alli and Eliza with a shopping bag and a beauty kit on hand…

"Hi honey! You're still getting huge! Eliza and I are here to get you ready for the baby shower. I heard that above the dot is like just loaded with gifts and the catering from the Dot is always great."

"Peter was nice to let me have it there."

"Yeah and he was even nicer to donate the food."

Alli and Eliza got to work on me. Eliza done my nails while Alli made up my face. Then Eliza ironed the outfit she got for me, while Alli curled my hair. After all the beauty I was ready to get dressed. The outfit was cute. It was a light blue tank top that tucked into a black knee length skirt that poofed out. Black flip flops were the shoes I wore. Comfy and nice looking.

Eli walked into the apartment wearing mostly black with the exception of a light blue neck tie. We matched and I will bet Eliza had everything to do with that! From there it was on to above the Dot! When I got there I was in awe at the décor. Alli and Eliza must have worked on this all day, or all night… The room was decorated in various shades of blue and black. The baby's ultrasound picture was on the napkins and the gift table was impressive. Adam was here with Fiona Coyne; Jenna came and bought along the baby, a girl who happened to look just like KC… Heck KC himself even attended. Fitz was there along with Declan, Conner, Wesley, Dave, Sav, Holly J, and Mrs. Bandari, even Bianca came… But there was no drama just happiness. Everyone wished us luck and wanted to rub my belly.

My sister and Peter were accepting the gifts. I went over to thank them again. This baby shower was amazing; it's like a party done right. After everybody had eaten Mr. Goldsworthy walked in with the cake, which was of course blue… I thanked him and so did Eli. It tasted great!

There were so many gifts that it would have been impossible to open them all without it taking over an hour, so I just thanked everyone and decided to take the gifts home. My lovely party planners/ best friends took the gifts out to Morty.

By the end of the baby shower all the food was gone and everyone was still giving me their best wishes. I climbed in the car with Eli… Eliza, Alli and Adam were walking because there wasn't enough room… I was surprised though, to see that they made it to our place before we did.

We got all the gifts into our place and we went into the baby's room. Adam and Eli talked about guy stuff while collecting the torn wrapping paper in Walmart bags Eli lifted from work. All the gifts were practical and could be put to good use. Fiona thought of something nobody else had though, a stroller with a detatchable baby carrier that you strap to your chest. I will have to tell Adam to thank her for me.

When all the gifts were opened I found myself feeling grateful… Grateful for all the good things that have been happening. My dad sent me money to pad us, even though we didn't need it and I went to see my mom… She seemed in unusually high spirits to be in a halfway house. She apologized to me and wished me well… She told me that she wouldn't be moving back home after she got released though… She wanted to start over so she's going to France to stay with her best friend Benny.

Alli and Adam left soon after the gift opening was done. Eliza lingered a little only to wait for Fitz to come and pick her up. I think they are back together now or at least that it what their body language and behavior suggests.

Eli helped me put the things away and then we both plopped down on the living room couch. He wrapped his arms around me and we watched a cooking show… He didn't seem to mind and I was entertained. We had a quiet night….

**Please review people. Oh yeah, the next chapter will be the last. **


	20. Chapter 20

Eliza

I waited until my dad was asleep and then I texted Fitz. He pulled up in the curb and I opened the window. I climbed out onto my roof. Then I closed the window and climbed down onto the ground, overnight backpack in tow. Once my feet were planted on the Earth I greeted Fitz with a kiss.

"Where are we going to do this?"

"My mom is working until in the morning."

"Awesome."

He kissed me again before we went to his car. He took off, going ten points above the speed limit all the way to his house. Once we were there he flung me over his shoulder and carried me in. He put me down and scooped me up in his arms while we kissed. He led me to his bedroom and he kicked the door shut, locking it behind us. He took my shirt off. The feeling of his hands touching my bare skin was amazing. He rubbed my nipples through my black see through bra and he kissed my neck.

"No fair… you should be shirtless too!"

"Well since you're complaining…"

Fitz took off his shirt and I instantly saw where his pinned up anger and sexual aggression was going. He's been hitting the gym…. Hard. I ran my fingers across his solid six pack and then I pulled him back down by his neck… I felt his hardness pressed against me and it made me eager and anxious. This time he won't push me away… This time we will give in.

He pulled my jeans off hastily, while also kicking off his own. He then pulled off my see through, black lace thong with his teeth. He then started kissing my core, and then devouring the entirety of my wetness. He made circles around my pleasure pearl with his tongue. I thought I was going insane with euphoria and just when I was going to erupt he stopped and stood up. He pulled off his own underwear and then he pulled me up. He kissed me roughly, pushing me to the wall and once it was impossible to go back any further told me to stay there. He went over to his nightstand and I didn't see him, but I know he snapped on a condom. He came back and picked me up; I wrapped my legs around his waist. He entered me smoothly, but it still hurt. I moaned out in pain and held onto Fitz tighter. He delivered slow, deep strokes to me until the pain subsided and only the feeling of him filling me up was left. He stroked me harder and I could only moan.

He walked over to his desk. He knocked off everything on it and laid me down. He gave my aching, eager core more of what it wanted… his pulsing, thick, hardness. Our fingers locked and he looked me in the eyes as he hit places inside me that made it impossible for me to keep my moans quiet. The pressure in my body started to rise again, this time there was no stopping, I erupted… again and again! He followed me in this wonderful combustion and then he collapsed on my chest… My legs were wrapped around his waist still… This was great. Now I see what all the fuss was about.

"Fitz this was amazing!"

"You were amazing… Best I've ever had and you kind of made me feel confident and skilled… I've never made a girl squirt before."

"That's what that was? No wonder I feel all…soaked. Sorry I squirted on your table."  
"Don't worry about it."

"Well I should shower…"

"I'll join you."

We cleaned up the mess I made and Fitz joined me in the shower. My skin was still fairly sensitive and him touching me gave me shivers all over. After we dried off I was ready for bed, but I knew I had to get home so he drove me. We kissed before I climbed out of the car and back up my window. Luckily I didn't get caught. I went to sleep with a wonderful memory… Fitz and I had our first time.

Clare

I pulled on my sweater as I went outside. I love fall! It's such a lovely time. What's not lovely though…? The fact that I'm two days overdue with little Eli… at least I was until…. On the front steps of Degrassi, while I watched my loving boyfriend, best friend and future sister in law walk towards me, my water broke and the pain began…

"Ahhh!"

"Clare is…"

"It's time!"

"Omg it's time! Eli, you go get the car. Adam you call the important people and Clare you focus on that breathing… It's time to have my nephew."

"Ahhhhhh! It hurts!"

The hearse came to an abrupt stop in front of the school. Adam and Eliza helped me down. They climbed in the back seat of Morty that Eli recently installed after he removed the privacy partition. I tried working on my breathing but it just wasn't working. I yelled out in pain again and Eli swerved across the lines in the road. Adam gave me his hand to hold and I did, but I had to release it when he started screaming in pain louder than me.

We arrived at the hospital. Mr. Goldsworthy, Darcy, Peter and Alli were there… they only followed me to the hallway, and then it was just me and my pit crew… Eli, Eliza and Darcy… Time to have little Eli.

It seemed like it's been days when in reality it had only been two hours and the doctors said things were moving fast. I was nearly fully dilated and ready to push the last time they checked me and the pain just keeps getting worse. I refuse to take any drugs but they are tempting me. As I was yelling out in agony for the millionth time the doctor came in and checked me…

"Ms. Edwards, it's time to push now… Are you ready?"

"Yes… I just want this baby out of me! It hurts so bad."

"Clare... You are so strong. I love you."

"I love you too Eli but we are still never having sex again… EVER! AHHHH"

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…" Good Clare that was an awesome push…

It took ten pushes until the last one arrived. When I did get to the final push it seemed like the room got completely silent. Everyone was just waiting to hear it… so was I… then it happened… We heard little Eli's first cry and then the celebration commenced. Eli kissed my lips as we both cried together. Our baby was here! He's all gooey and bloody right now but he's so beautiful.

They cleaned him off and then wrapped him up before handing him to me. The crying baby on my chest made me so happy. I held him in my arms and kissed his cheeks. He's my baby… Our baby. Once they moved me and little E to another room everyone came in bearing gifts… Adam got him a tiny hat the match the one he always wears; Mr. Goldsworthy gave us the blanket they bought Eli home from the hospital in. I wrapped it around little E and he whimpered just a bit. So now comes the hard part. I'm a mom and if I mess up my life then I mess up his too…

Eli

I looked at my son. He's tiny and balled up. He looks so breakable. I picked him up from the bassinet as he started to cry. It's his first day at home and so far he's adjusting well. Clare has been getting some well deserved rest. Gosh, she is so beautiful to me. Before she was beautiful, don't get me wrong but now… I think I will be with her forever. She's given me the greatest thing a woman can give a man… I studied little Eli's features… My older brother Tommy walked into the room silently.

"He looks just like you as a baby."

"Really? I don't like looking at my baby pictures so I wouldn't know."

"Yeah dude… Except he has Clare's eyes and he apparently has her attitude because if he had yours he'd be making trouble."

"Fuck you."

"Clean it up potty mouth!"

"Oh yeah… Well it's not like he can understand."

"Watch it… So my little bro is a dad before I am. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Guess the curse skipped you."

"No… I've just been dating women too old to bear children since I was sixteen."

"Gross."

"Worry free sex."

I had a rather tender moment with my older bro before I rocked little Eli to sleep and laid him in the crib. I yawned; guess I never realized how sleepy I was. I haven't slept since the night before he was born. I've been too excited.

I peeked into the bedroom only to see that Clare wasn't in there. I found her in the living room talking to Eliza about her belly. I snuck up behind Clare, kissing her neck softly. She giggled and then hit me playfully.

"Oh no you don't, that's how we got in this mess in the first place."

"Isn't it a wonderful mess though?"

"It's an awesome mess…but now I'm fat."

"Clare… I love you. You are the mother of my child… You aren't fat."

"I love you Elijah."

"Love you too Clare…"

I cuddled up next to her on the couch and held her. At least until the baby started crying…

"Oh he's up…"

"Sit down hot mama…let big daddy handle this."

"You're gonna breastfeed him? Big daddy?"

"Ok, I see your point…I'll keep your seat warm."

"Thanks"

I watched her walk away. Hips slightly fuller and ass rounder. That's my Clare and she's gorgeous to me! If it weren't for that damn six weeks rule I would pull her off and make love to her all night but… her body needs time to heal and I get that. I can wait… I love this woman. I love my kid… I love my life.

Adam

It seems like everything is coming full circle for me. I'm in love and she loves me back. My best bud has a healthy handsome kid, whom I'm the godfather of, and my mother finally accepted me for me… Things can't get any better than they have now. I mean I'm finally happy but don't get me wrong, I still have nights when I wake up screaming and crying. Fiona does too and because of that we work… We work as a couple because of our pain. We use the negative memories to build positive ones….

I kissed Fiona goodbye before she boarded the plane to go and have a French spa weekend with her mom. She smiled at me sweetly like always and it made me not want to let her go… ever. I decided to go to Eli and Clare's where little E will surely be causing chaos.

I heard him crying when I knocked on the door and when Clare answered it the crying only got louder. I guess when there is a week old baby in the house though things aren't quiet for a while. Still Clare and Eli looked content while little E screamed his head off.

"Hello Edwards-Goldsworthy family."

"Hello Adam… Oh crap, it's guy's night."

"Well I'm not leaving."

"Of course not Clare… you can join me and Eli's guy's night."

"Okay. What will we watch?"

"SLASHER!"

"How did I know?"

I thought things would change dramatically but they didn't…Guy's night was still on just like it was last week except this week little E was joining us. I've never been good with babies but I can't help myself…. This kid is adorable so I asked to hold him… He was light as a feather and his squirming almost gave me a heart attack but luckily I held onto him and didn't get too alarmed. I quickly realized that it will be a very long time before I'm even ready to consider the possibility of kids…

"So Eli… it has been a year since the incident, since you and Clare got together… Since Eliza came to stay. One whole year."

"Tell me about it. Last year I was face to face with death, now I'm face to face with dirty diapers. Things have taken a dramatic turn."

"Yes indeed."

"But this drama turned out good for one reason…"

"Why?"

"Everybody's finally happy…."

Eli

Adam left, ending guy's night… So far we haven't missed many sessions. I'd say it's a permanent thing. Little E was ready for this feeding so I took him to Clare where she… fed him breast milk.

"I'm next! I need milk for my wheaties."

"Not funny…"

"I know, I'm just fooling around."

"I know… Thanks okay?"

"For what?"

"Being here…."

"Clare, we have eighteen more years before it's just the two of us again and I intend to enjoy every moment until we are middle aged with an empty nest."

"What about the other kids?"

"We will cross that bridge when we get to it…"

Clare

I have a baby. It's almost unreal… I'm a mom. I never would have pictured this for myself. A short while ago I was planning to wait until marriage. I didn't and though it's been hard I'm not angry or depressed. I'm happy because with the dissolving of one family I was able to create my own with people that I knew would be there for me. Eli, who could ask for a more beautiful, loving future spouse? Little E, the most beautiful baby boy ever. He's perfect. Mr. Goldsworthy… He was a dad to me when my own dad left. Alli and Eliza have been the twin sisters I've never had. Adam is the best brother any girl could ask for, even if he isn't biological. Darcy is the only functioning piece of my biological family I have left… She's the only fragment of a mother figure I have left now….

I know I have a long road ahead of me, finishing school with a baby and being emancipated and all but I know that things are going to work out not only for me… but for everyone because we have each other now and that is all that matters….

_The End

**Tell me if you liked it… Oh by the way be on the look-out for the sequel… It could be coming up as soon as tomorrow… Love is Irrational will probably be the name… Thanks for the reviews throughout this story. I hope you guys liked it! Love you all =)**


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